Freedom
by XxXBeautifulXxXDreamerXxX
Summary: Marhysa Crabtree never felt like she belonged in Amity. When she was given the chance, she changed her Faction to Dauntless, her name to Rhys, and didn't look back. During initiation she made friends and enemies and maybe even a possible lover, but nothing is as it seems. Everyone has their own personal baggage that affects how they live their lives and who they let into them.
1. Chapter 1

**I love the Divergent Trilogy! Even if he is incredibly evil, I have a certain fondness for Eric's character. I love his hatred for Four and wanted to play around with where it came from. It's not canon at all, but that's the fun of fanfiction.**

**I have a link to Rhys and Kadence on my profile, go check 'em out. **

* * *

><p>I'd gone through all the tests that were supposed to tell me where I belonged and wasn't surprised by the results. I wasn't meant to be in Amity, I was meant to be in Dauntless. I wasn't the kind to be happy doing nothing and picking apples to the redundent tones of a banjo for the rest of my life. I couldn't be here with <em>him<em> watching my every move, taunting me with the secret that he and I shared.

I couldn't keep track of the times I got into trouble for fighting on the compound. One time a girl hit me with a rotten apple, by accident she _swore_, and I gave her a black eye, by accident I _swore_. I had to take the Peace Serum and go back to picking apples like a zombie. I hated that Serum more than anything, it took out away all of my fight and reminded me of that night...

It would hurt my mom when I changed Factions, but I couldn't let that stop me. I wanted to tell her more than anything that I wasn't staying, except that was against the rules. I couldn't share my results or tell anyone my decisions. It felt almost cruel to not warn her, but I stuck begrudgingly to the rules.

I sat with my Faction in the quickly filling Hub, my yellow bellbottoms and red peasant top present despite my intense hatred for them. They were too loose and happy, plus the red totally clashed with my hair. My hair was red, something almost unheard of within the Factions, and swinging from my head in a long, rope-like braid that I'd sported since childhood.

I'd thought ahead and worn running shoes instead of my normal brown sandals. When I wasn't being happy-go-lucky with my Faction, I watched the Dauntless. I knew that they ran everywhere they went, along with other various acrobatics, and I knew I couldn't keep up with them in my flimsy sandals. I saw my mother looking at my shoes when we left the house that morning and watched her face fall. She knew I wasn't coming back after the Ceremony.

She held my hand the entire Ceremony introduction, almost like she was willing me to stay with her. I loved my mother, but I couldn't stand to work near _him_ anymore. Plus I was tired of sticky hands and banjo music. I wanted to run and pierce body parts and get tattoos and be free in way that Amity didn't understand, even if they were the "free" Faction.

"Crabtree, Maryhsa."

"I love you so much, be safe over there," mom whispered before squeezing my hand and letting me go.

I walked up to the stage and held the knife tightly in my hand. I took a deep, centering breath before I sliced through the tender skin of my palm. It stung worse than the time I got bit by that wasp in the fields with my brothers. I pushed that thought to the back of my mind when another burn of guilt coursed through my body. I let my blood drip over the smoking coals, sizzling in a way that sent a thrill through my entire body: there was no going back now. I was now Dauntless.

The section of the building that was dressed in black erupted in whoops of laughter and cheers as they enveloped me. I had just joined them, yet I felt like I belonged with them in a way I'd never felt with the Amity. They were loud and unapologetic about it, something that I've always wanted to be. I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I'd chosen the right Faction.

A seat was quickly made for me as a girl moved over onto some random guy's lap. It seemed like the normal thing for them to do, she wasn't the only one sitting like that. There were multiple people crammed into the small seats that filled The Hub. They even looked happy to be sitting like that and even more so that people were joining their Faction.

At the end of the Choosing Ceremony there were fourteen Faction switches to Dauntless and thirteen people stayed with the Faction. That meant there were twenty-seven people that were joining this Faction and turning their backs on their old one. The remnants of my guilt vanished when I realized that other people had switched to Dauntless with me, including a boy from Abnegation which surprised almost everyone. That didn't happen very often because the Factions were almost polar opposites.

Dauntless was the first Faction to leave the Choosing Ceremony and they did it in normal Dauntless-Style: a full run. I felt a jovial laugh bubble out of my chest, something that hadn't happened in a long time, at the feeling. I even tore my hair out of the braid and let it fly out behind me. This was what freedom felt like.

The people in front were running along the train tracks and what was happening finally set in. They arrived by train, rolling and jumping out of them gracefully so it only made sense that that was how we would get to the Dauntless compound. The idea sent a shock of excitement and fear coursing through me as I pumped my legs harder to keep up with the group.

I watched the first few make it onto the train, planting their feet shoulder's length apart before tossing their entire body weight at the opening in the car. I knew I hadn't been trained like the Dauntless-born initiates, but I followed their lead regaurdless. I took another calming breath before launching my body. I barely hit the floor inside, but hands reached out and pulled me to safety. I did the same for the Abnegation boy and a girl in Candor white.

"Kadence," the Candor girl said to the two of us.

Kadence was a tall girl with shoulder length blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. She had a bright smile that reminded me on sunshine. There was something about her eyes that told me she had trouble telling the truth all the time. I assumed that was why she changed Factions, that or she wanted adventure and freedom like I did.

"Marhysa," I replied. "It's nice to meet you."

"Tobias," he told us quietly without meeting either of our eyes.

Tobias is tall and slender built with deep-set eyes and long eyelashes. He had short brown hair with tanned skin, much like most of the Abnegation. The entire time we sat on the floor of that train car he never met anyone's eyes. He just looked out the opening and watched the scenery pass us by.

Kadence gabbed on and on about anything and everything while Tobias and I sat silently together. I liked that he didn't need to talk all the time, he could appreciate the silence. I was like that a lot, but no one in Amity ever understood it. They were all loud and happy constantly and expected everyone else to be like that too. I could see him and I being friends.

"They're jumping onto that rooftop!" someone cried in surprise from the front of the car.

"Are we supposed to follow them?" another person asked, a whole lot less excited than the first one who spoke.

I made my way over to the open door with Kadence and Tobias close behind me. We were quickly approaching a rooftop and people were indeed jumping off onto it. You could tell who were the leaders and the Dauntless-born because they looked like this was nothing new to them. The rest of us, I wasn't so sure about.

Yet again, I made sure to watch how the others jumped and landed. The ones who took it on their feet and ran a bit after stayed upright while the others fell. I glanced over and saw that Tobias saw that as well.

"Land on your feet and jog it out," I shouted to Kadence before taking her hand and Tobias'. "Jump together on three! One, two, THREE!"

We all jumped off of the speeding locomotive together and hit the gravel-covered roof at about the same time. Kadence stumbled and fell, but Tobias and I stayed on our feet. We released hands somewhere in the air but landed near each other. I used the same hand to pull Kadence to her feet and pat her back. Then I realized that Tobias and I were the only people not dressed in black standing when the train vanished and a surge of confidence coursed through me.

I held up my palm to Tobias and saw him look at it curiously. Then I remembered that physical contact was pretty much forbidden in Abnegation. It was almost funny how unaware he was of some things.

"It's a high five. People do it to celebrate doing something cool," I explained to him. "You slap your palm against it."

He nodded slowly before hitting my hand with his gently. He could take a few lessons, but something told me he was a quick learner. For the first time, I saw a smile tug at the corners of his lips. I was going to comment on it, but a shrill scream drew all of our attention to the ledge of the building.

There was a girl with brown hair braided down her back and a few locks of it escaping. She was wearing black and white, a Candor or she used to be. Everyone was staring at her, but no one was making a move to see what was wrong. Then I realized that someone must not have made it onto the rooftop when they jumped.

I ignored the others and crouched down beside the girl. "His name was Trent! He and I came here together! What am I supposed to do?"

"You move on with this," a boy in blue told her cruelly before I could respond to her. "People die every day, be glad that you're not the one that's painting the sidewalk with your blood."

As harsh as his words were, I knew that he was right. She couldn't be weak and part of Dauntless, that wasn't an acceptable combination. Despite that, I stood up and offered the girl my hand to pull her up to her feet. I held her waist as she put herself back together quickly. I couldn't help it, some Amity traits died hard and I wasn't sure I wanted to lose this side of myself.

"Listen up! I'm Max, one of the leaders of your new faction," a man shouted from the other side of the building. He was standing on the edge like it was nothing and I felt the girl beside me stiffen slightly at the sight. "Several stories below us is the members' entrance to the compound. If can't muster enough courage to enter that way, you don't belong here. Our initiates have the privilege of going first."

He was gesturing to the black hole that was made by four buildings. We were standing on the rooftop of one of them, but the other three were empty. He basically wanted us to jump off of a ledge to prove our bravery.

"You want us to jump off a ledge?!"

"Yes," Max said simply, smiling.

"Is there something at the bottom that's going to catch us when we do?" a girl in blue asked, eyeing the hole suspiciously from her safe distance from it.

"Who's brave enough to find out?" Max asked, his smile gone off his lips but still lighting up his eyes.

I looked around and saw that even the Dauntless-born were reluctant to jump. I thought about what was happening and realized that they wouldn't kill us. That was a stupid idea for any of us to have. They were reckless and thrill-seeking, not murderers so I made my decision. I chose this Faction for a reason and I was going to prove it to everyone on this rooftop including myself.

"Me."

It seemed like I wasn't the only one with that thought. Tobias had stepped forward at the same time as me. I looked over at him with a smile and saw him return it quickly. It was another instance in which I could see us being good friends.

"Okay, transfers, figure it out," Max said, his grin back and blazing. "This would have to be a first, no one ever volunteers at the same time, especially transfers."

"Ladies first," the boy in blue from earlier said. "And I mean the fire crotch, not the stiff."

I whipped around and flipped him off with seething eyes before I stepped up onto the ledge. Tobias made no move to stop me, I think he realized that I had an intense desire to prove myself. I would thank him later on, but right now I held my breath and closed my eyes as I stepped over. I could hear the laughter of the others follow me down along with that feeling of freedom that I associated with Dauntless. The wind whipping around my ears and the free-fall feeling was something that I had to remember for the rest of my life.

Suddenly something itchy and constricting wrapped around my entire body and knocked the air out of my lungs. I took mental note of what it felt like and realized that I was in a net; that was what was supposed to catch us at the bottom! That jovial laugh from earlier was back as I rolled out of it and into someone's waiting arms.

"What's your name, transfer? Choose carefully, you only get one chance," the man said, sitting me on my feet securely on the ground and echoing my laugh.

Marhysa was the name I had in Amity, the last thing I had of my mother. I wanted a part of it to stay close, but I didn't want the same one. I wanted something new and edgy, something that would make me fit in with Dauntless even more.

"Rhys, my name is Rhys," I smiled at him.

The man's smile never wavered as he turned around and presented me to the crowd of Dauntless behind him. "First jumper –Rhys! Welcome to Dauntless."

The crowd of black erupted in cheers, much like the ones at the Choosing Ceremony earlier. I laughed as I stumbled drunkenly down the steps to stand with them. I was the first jumper, I had to wait for the others before my new life could begin.

Tobias followed soon after, only changing his name to T. I didn't question it much, maybe he had a past he was trying to out run, too. He came over and stood beside of me as we waited for the other initiates to follow our fearless lead.

"Thank you," I whispered to him as a boy in black made his appearance.

I knew he knew what I was thanking him for. He let me prove myself to the group of initiates because I was just the slight redhead with a temper. Now I was first jumper and no one could take that from me.

He nodded and smiled at me again, but it was just the corners of his lips. I figured that was as much of a smile as I was going to get so I took it. I even reached out and squeezed his hands, laughing quietly at the shade of pink his cheeks turned at the touch.

I couldn't help it, I was from Amity. We gave out touches freely, almost _too _freely when some people were involved… but that was a story for another day. _He _wasn't going to ruin this for me, I was free as a bird and even _he_ couldn't clip my wings.

* * *

><p><strong>I really like this story, I hope you guys do too. Maybe leave a review and tell me what you think about it or maybe leave one saying what you'd like to see. I don't mind, just tell me SOMETHING. Thaaaaaaaanks :)<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Some of the things from this chapter are almost direct quotes from _Divergent. _I'm throwing that out there just to be known. ****This chapter is also not as good as the first one, in my opinion.**

**There's a link to Lance on my profile if you want to check him out. **

* * *

><p>After all the initiates jumped down the hole, I counted twenty-five people. There were twenty-seven of us at the start and we'd already lost people. That was not something that I ever had to deal with in Amity. The only way people died there was from old age or the occasional allergic reaction.<p>

"Hey, are you okay? Your eyes got all dark," Kadence whispered to me as we all congregated together.

"Yeah, everything's just setting in," I whispered back, squeezing her hand reassuringly. "How are you? All your pieces still in place from the jump?"

She just smiled and nodded her head at me, bumping our shoulders. I'd had friends back in Amity, but I'd never had a best friend. I'd never felt it before yet I knew that that was what this was turning into. Before I could tell her what I was thinking, the guy that caught me after my jump drew our attention up to him.

"I'm Lance, follow me," he said, drawing all of our attention to him.

Lance led us down a long, dark tunnel with occasional lighted torches along it. I'd never been somewhere that the sun couldn't reach me. A bubble of panic tried to rise up my throat, but I swallowed it down. I chose to leave the sunshine of Amity for the adventure of Dauntless. I could do this, I was finally free.

The group of people in front of me stopped suddenly and if it wasn't for T grabbing my arm, I would've slammed into the Erudite boy in front of me. I was yet again thankful for him, he saved me from a more than embarrassing encounter with him.

"This is where we divide," the girl with Lance announced. "The Dauntless-born initiates are with me; I assume you don't need a tour of the compound."

She stepped to the side and half of the crowd followed her down another dark tunnel. Once they were gone, I took a count of all the transfers. There were four from Candor, three from Amity, four from Erudite, and one from Abnegation. The faces of my fellow ex-Amity members were familiar, but I didn't know their names. I hadn't even realized that there had been other transfers from my Faction at the Ceremony this morning.

"I'm going to be your instructor for the next few weeks," Lance announced. "I realize I'm not much older than the lot of you, but don't underestimate me. I was second in my class, and I'm not afraid to prove it."

"You're instructing us, but you weren't first in your class?" the Erudite boy, Eric, asked with a sneer.

I didn't even see Lance move until he had Eric pinned to the wall with his arm at his neck. I expected myself to flinch, but I didn't. I knew Lance wasn't lying when he said he would prove himself and Eric was stupid to think that he wasn't. This wasn't a place that authority should be questioned, especially by transfers like us.

"If I was first in my class, I wouldn't threaten you. That's why I'm training, I'm not afraid to rough you up," he told him calmly. "Any other remarks you'd like to make?"

I saw something flash across Eric's face, but he held his tongue. I was honestly surprised that he wasn't a Candor transfer, he had all the traits of one. The arrogance, the honesty, the lack of ability to hold his comments. I'm sure that was going to get him seriously hurt, but it wasn't my business. He would learn eventually, even if it was the hard way.

Lance stepped back and resumed his position in front of us. "If that was the only question, I'd like to get this tour started."

Everyone looked around at each other, but no one opened their mouths. He had effectively silenced any doubts we had in his ability to lead. Well, I still had a few, but I'm sure they would be gone after we trained for a couple days. When people were fighting, their true colors came out.

"We're going to start with the Pit, it's the place where everything happens down here. You'll learn to love it," Lance announced as he lead us further down the opposite hallway that the Dauntless-born had gone down. "It has all your needs: clothing, food, supplies, there are even places for you to spend your free time. That's assuming you're going to have any these few weeks."

He pushed open the set of double doors in front of him and stepped to the side as we all piled out onto the landing. It was accurately named because it was a literal pit. I looked to the side and saw something that made my heart soar: sunlight! It was coming in from the windows that were located on the ceiling. Even if I left Amity, it was nice to have something here that reminded me of home.

We made our way down the staircase slowly because there were no railings on the side. I was looking around at the people scattered when a group of children ran up the stairs around us. They were on the side with no rails but lacked a fear of falling. I guess that was what it was like to grow up Dauntless, you had no fears.

I couldn't help but think back to _him_ and wonder if it could've been different if we had been born into Dauntless instead of Amity with their frivolous, slap-on-the-wrist punishments. I'm sure the Dauntless would have punished _him_ for what he'd done. I would've actually told someone if I lived here, or at least that's what I wanted to think…

"Are you sure you're okay?" T whispered to me as Lance talked about the things that you could do in the Pit. "You look a little bit pale."

"I'm okay, I'm a little woozy," I explained. "I was too anxious to eat breakfast this morning and I'm feeling it now."

"You're lucky, red," Lance said, making everyone look back at me. "We're going to the dining hall right after I show you all the chasm."

I smiled up at him, trying to hide the embarrassment that I'd been caught talking. "That's good because I'm famished."

He winked at me before turning back around and leading us to a place shrouded in shadows. As we got closer, I realized that it was the source of the roaring noise I'd heard earlier. I was surprised to see the only the only safety barrier I've seen since we left The Hob until I looked over at the rushing water.

"This is the chasm," Lance shouted to be heard above the roaring water. "I know some of you are thinking about proving your bravery by jumping, but I would advise against that. There have been many before you who've tried, and I've been one of the men who pulled the dead body up out of the water. There are better ways to prove your courageousness than diving headfirst to your death. Even as I say this, there will be at least one who do it anyway despite my warning. Others think it's better to end it all than to become Factionless…"

That thought chilled me to the bone, but that might have been added to by the coldness of the air coursing off the roaring water. Suicide was never something that was talked about in Amity, neither was death. It was too sad and depressing for the happy compound to be part of. When you died, you had a service of planting you in the ground and putting flowers over your body. It was gross, but dead bodies made good fertilizer…

"And with that thought fresh in your blossoming little minds, I'm going to take you to eat," Lance told us, making me smile despite myself. "I didn't forget about you back there, red."

"And I'm very thankful for that," I replied, making Kadence chuckle and elbow me in the ribs.

Lance led us back through the Pit and into a room that was alive with chatter. As soon as we walked in, everyone started clapping and cheering and just all around making noises for us. Lance joined in and soon enough the noise was deafening in an unfamiliar way, but it made me laugh along with Kadence; even T flashed his almost smile. It was loud and boisterous in a way that would've gotten someone punished in Amity, but it seemed to be normal here.

After the cheering died down, Kadence took my hand and led me to a set of empty seats. I grabbed T's hand before she yanked us towards them. I'm sure T was going to get used to me touching him through the next few weeks, he had to. I was a touchy person and Kadence seemed to be the same way.

We all sat down and Lance found his way to one of the empty seats in front of us. He wasn't bad looking. He had curly brown hair that seemed to lie however it chose instead of how he wanted it to. His eyes were bright blue and his smile was mischievous in a way that reminded me of the little boys who used to take the apples from the baskets after we picked them.

I looked at the table and saw that we would be eating hamburgers for dinner tonight. I'd never eaten meat before, it was a rule that most Amity abided by. We couldn't eat the things that we didn't grow and my family couldn't keep animals alive.

I reached forward and grabbed one along with Kadence and Lance, but T just looked at them curiously. He was from Abnegation which meant he'd probably never even _seen_ a burger before, he only ate bland, tasteless foods.

"It's beef, it comes from a cow. It's good," I told him, handing him a burger and pouring some ketchup onto his plate beside it. "Dip it in that and enjoy."

He did as I instructed, but still seemed skeptical. Kadence caught on to it too and said, "It's a hamburger. How have you never heard of them before?"

"Abnegation is big on masochism," Lance said before taking a bite of his burger.

"We –they- don't believe in eating food with taste when it can be given to others," T explained before taking a small nibble. "It is good!"

I laughed at his excitement when he took a bigger bite. I threw my head back with laughter, letting it fill me up until I was about to burst. Kadence joined in with me and soon enough our entire table was laughing except for Eric. He was scowling at the group of us, but I just brushed him off.

"You're got the best laugh I've ever heard, red," Lance said after the peals of laughter died down. "It's contagious!"

I just rolled my eyes at his obvious flirting and went back to eating. I wasn't focused on a relationship, especially after _him_. I just wanted to train and become stronger than I already was. I wanted to push myself until I broke and then go further. I was free, but that didn't mean I wasn't going to work my butt off.

Once we all finished eating, we gathered back together as a group and met with Max this time. Lance just disappeared, but I didn't question it. I figured he'd show back up later when we started our training and I would grow sick of him. He _was _going to be pushing us to our breaking points and beyond.

"I'm Max, we met before on the rooftop. I'm glad to see that all of you made it through the entrance," he said.

He then turned on his heel and headed away from the dining hall. We walked through the Pit again and down another set of dark tunnels. I started making a mental map of everything in hopes that I would remember how to get around soon. Max stopped the tour in front of a wooden door.

"I'm going to tell the lot of you the ground rules. This is the only time you're going to hear them, so you'd better listen well," he said, falling into leader mode easily and quickly. "You all have to be in the training room by 8 o'clock every morning because training takes place from eight to six, with a break for lunch. After six o'clock, you're free to do whatever you please. You will also have some free time between each stage of initiation."

So Lance was being dramatic when he said that we wouldn't have any free time. What I got from Max's rules was that I had more free time here than I did in Amity. I was anxious to explore my new home and maybe even make some changes to my appearance while I was there.

"You're only allowed to leave the compound if you're accompanied by a Dauntless," Max said, drawing my attention back to him. "Behind this door is where you're going to be sleeping for the next few weeks."

He pushed the wooden door open and we followed him inside. "As you can see, there are fourteen beds. We thought more of you would make it this far, but we were obviously wrong. Dauntless isn't for the weak and you're already weeding yourselves out. That makes my job easier and your job harder."

"What are you talking about? How does it make your job easier and ours harder?" the girl in blue from the rooftop asked.

"The first stage of initiation we keep the transfers and the Dauntless-born initiates separate. Training with transfers is easier than those born into the Faction, they were raised knowing how to fight. The less of you to train with, the less you learn about it," Max explained to her. "You're all evaluated together though. At the end of the initiation, your rankings with be compared with the Dauntless-born initiates. They're already better so you're going to have to train hard to earn your spots."

"Rankings?" a boy with shaggy blonde hair in Candor white asked in confusion.

There was so much going on and so much information to take in. I'm sure there was a lot at every initiation, but this seemed a bit excessive. I thought Dauntless meant freedom from everything including rules, but I guess I was wrong. No society can live without rules to keep it in place, I was raised to believe that and I did wholeheartedly.

"Your ranking has two purposes," Max went on. "The first purpose is to determine the order in which you pick your jobs after initiation. The second is that only the top ten initiates are made members of Dauntless, transfers and born alike."

That hit me like a wrecking ball; we all wouldn't make be members. I looked around at the group of people in the room with me and realized that, in theory, less than half of us would make it. The main group would be Dauntless-born, Max said it himself.

"You mean all of us aren't members?" Kadence asked, her hands on her hips in outrage. "What happens if we're not chosen?"

"You become factionless," Lance said simply, walking up to stand with Max.

"Why didn't you tell us that before?!" Eric asked in surprise, his face turning red.

"Are you saying that you would've chose differently at the Ceremony if you'd know?" Lance asked, his anger coming out again as he approached Eric. "If that's true, I look forward to kicking you out. If you're really one of us, it wouldn't matter if you might fail."

Lance looked at all of us meaningfully before leaving the room. Max seemed to be in full agreement with him because he just nodded his head. His fingers were clasped behind his back as he watched us react to him.

"You've chosen us, now it's our time to choose you."

* * *

><p><strong>I got more follows than I thought I would so I posted this chapter. I hope that I get a review for it...<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**I had originally planned to wait until later in the story to talk about Rhys' past, but my writing seemed to have different ideas. With that being said, this chapter gets a bit intense towards the end of it. My intentions were for the rating to remain neutral until at least the middle of it, but it is now going to be 'M' rated. I'm not sure if the vaguness that I used falls into that category, I just figured it's better to be safe than sorry.**

**I own nothing familiar, that would belong to Veronica Roth. I do, however, own Lance, Kadence, Rhys, and Wyatt along with the storyline.**

* * *

><p>Sleeping in a room with eleven other people is weird. Hearing all their various breathing and sleep sounds. I hated being this defenseless and open in a room full of strangers. Any of them could attack and I was vulnerable to it.<p>

Despite that, I listened to the different breathing patterns in hopes that it would lull me to sleep. I had an anxious mind that wouldn't let me shut it down for the night. There was one person who snored like a chainsaw and I could heard the faint sounds of someone crying quietly. I was really thankful that the crier wasn't me.

I guess I did fall asleep eventually because a loud ringing sound jarred me out of it. I was used to being woken up by the call of a rooster or the sounds of my mother singing in the kitchen, not this harshness. I loved it! I was never the soft girl that Amity wanted me to be, I had hard edges that had only been made harder by life.

"It's time to get up, training starts in fifteen minutes. This is the only time you're getting a wakeup call, don't get used to it," someone shouted, but I was too zonked to figure out who it was.

I rolled out of my bed reluctantly and dug through the clothes that I'd found under my bed last night after Max left us. I looked around and saw Kadence strip off her white Candor blouse and put on a black Dauntless t-shirt. When I looked around, I saw that others were following her lead and taking off their old clothes out in the open.

I swallowed my embarrassment and pulled my peasant top over my head. I pulled a tight fitting black t-shirt on in its place. I liked the way it hugged my body, there were no tight clothing in Amity everything was loose and roomy. I tugged off the bell-bottoms happily and replaced them with tight black pants, so tight that they were like a second layer of skin. I even wore boots, thick black ones, for the first time in my life.

I looked over at T and saw him staring at the black clothes with his gray ones still on him. His Abnegation side was showing, he had too much modesty. There was no way he would be comfortable enough to change in front of this many people, even if no one was paying attention to him.

"Hey, duck into the bathroom and I'll keep watch," I told him. "I don't think anyone's in there just yet."

His face was a mixture of relief and chagrin that he'd been caught. He grabbed his pile of black clothes and made his way into the bathroom. I twisted my hair back away from my face, sitting it on top of my head and securing it right as T made his reappearance decked out in black. The color suited him a whole lot better than gray ever did, but I knew better than to make a comment about it. We had to take baby steps into things like that.

"I heard someone talking about a fire that we could throw our old clothes in. It's supposed to be therapeutic," Kadence said as T and I walked up her. "You guys down?"

I had my old Amity clothes in my hands before she even finished speaking. "Yes! I can't wait to get rid of these. Red clashes with my hair and yellow is just an ugly color in general. Please the stench of apples is making me want to vomit."

"At least you had some variety," T said, gesturing to the gray in his hands. "There's only so many different shades of gray and they're all equally as boring."

Kadence and I laughed with him as we balled up our clothes and left the room. We found the fire easily enough, there was a line leading up to it. We waited our turn before tossing our clothes onto the heated embers. I watched as the flames engulfed the red and yellow until they were black like everything else in the compound. It was yet another freeing moment, and I realized that I was going to have a ton of those before I was officially Dauntless or the other option…

"As interesting as watching polyester burn is, I think we need to go to training, blaze," Eric said, making me jump in surprise.

Kadence and T were ahead of me in the burning line and must've already left. I'm sure they thought I was behind them the whole time. I would be a liar if I said Eric didn't make me a little bit uneasy. Most guys made me uneasy most of the time with the exception of T and maybe Lance…

Eric was about six foot even with really nice blue eyes that twinkled with mischief. He was attractive, that much was for sure, but he seemed to be a little arrogant. I thought I would be turned off by that, but he made it look really good. I kind of wanted to kiss his lips, they were so full and plump. I wondered what they would feel like pressed against mine in one of the dark tunnels throughout the compound…

"My name is Rhys, and I'm not your mother. Whatever I do doesn't affect you in the slightest," I told him as I willed my face to not turn bright red.

I turned on my heel and made my way to the training room, proud that I'd found it without anyone's help. Lance wasn't in there yet which meant I wasn't technically late, but I made a note in my mind to show up early from now on. I stood with Kadence and T while Eric stood in the background, sulking like a kicked puppy. I wanted to figure him out, there was something under the surface that made my curiosity spike. I may not have been in Erudite, but I had a more than healthy curiosity of things, I just didn't enjoy reading books that much…

"We're going to training with knives, throwing them. While this might not be everyone's cup of tea, it's a more than vital skill to have in one's arsenal," Lance said, announcing his entrance and making us look at him strutting into the training center.

He stood next to a table that had a silver case sitting on it. He clicked it open and took out a knife about the length of his hand. He held it by its blade and launched it at the target twenty feet in front of him before I even blinked. It bedded itself in the direct center with the entire blade sank into the thick target, making me and few others look at Lance in total surprise.

"Don't just look at me, get to it!" Lance barked, making a couple people jump in surprise. "Be good or be Factionless."

I judged the weight of the knife in my hands and switched it from hand to hand for a second. I needed to know everything about it before I even tried to hit the target. I also took note that I was the only one that hadn't thrown one yet and felt Lance's eyes on me, but I pushed that thought back.

After I knew the blade's balance and weight, I thought back to how Lance had stood. He put weight on the foot in front and tossed the knife with the opposite arm. I did a couple play-throws, never letting go of the knife. I could throw it like he did, blade in my hand, or I could throw it with the handle end in my hand. Judging by the other initiates, the blade in hand version was harder to control so I decided to do the latter.

"You're supposed to throw the blade, blaze," Eric snickered his spot a couple of people down from me.

"Yeah, and you're supposed to hit the target," I snapped back without looking at him. "Watch me and see how it's supposed to work."

I hoped with everything in me that the knife would land in the target, preferably the center, so I wouldn't look like a total tool. I took a centering breath before letting it fly. It barely grazed the edge of the target, but I was the first one to hit it and make it stay there. Even if it wasn't the center, I was really impressed with myself.

First jumper. First to hit the target.

"You're not good enough to be that cocky, red. You could've had three knives in that target by now and you barely have one," Lance shouted, zeroing in on me. "You don't have time to think when you're in the middle of a fight. Your throat would've been cut and you'd be staining the floor if you took that long to make a decision. It's fight or flight out there and you sure as hell better not chose flight. Did I say any of you could stop?!"

I knew Lance was trying to break me, to make me look weak in front of all the others, maybe even to make an example of me. I held his intense gaze even after all the others scrambled back to throwing their knives in fear of what he'd do if he didn't. As much as I wanted to win the staring contest, I knew I had to figure out this knife thing because I wouldn't do well Factionless. I pushed my stubbornness down and took my stance again.

The holding-the-handle method didn't seem to be the way I threw best so I tried the other way. I took my usual calming breath before letting the knife fly. It still didn't hit the center of the target, but it hit closer and sank in deeper. That was improvement and I let it drive me to keep trying.

I wasn't the best when it came to throwing knives, but I wasn't the worst either. The Erudite girl that I'd comforted on the roof yesterday didn't even hit the target. All of her knives fell at least a foot in front of it with the blades pointing in different directions.

Lance walked up to the girl and placed his hand on her shoulder. I thought he was going to comfort her before he barked out, "You're at the bottom of the list, get your shit together or get your shit out of the compound."

He turned on his heel and walked out of the training room. We all looked around at each other curiously but didn't move. None of us wanted to be on the receiving end of another reprimand from Lance. He was cruel and cutting, he knew how to cut to the bone with the simplest of words. I'd already had one lashing from him and most certainly did not want another one now or ever.

"He's a Candor transfer," Kadence whispered to me. "I remember him from school, always speaking his mind and making little girls cry in the process. It just clicked that he was the same person, he looks so different down here."

"It's your lunch break, initiates. Why are you all standing around?" Lance shouted from the doorway. "I will make you run laps through lunch, don't think I won't."

T and I started walking to the dining hall with Kadence on his other side. I felt someone fall into step beside me and saw that it was Eric. His expression lacked its usual hardness and I decided that I liked it that way. He was a lot cuter when he didn't look like he was plotting how to take down everyone at once.

"I didn't mean to get you in trouble," he apologized quietly so only I could hear. "I was just messing around and it got serious."

Everything Eric did had a sarcastic edge to it, almost like a double sided blade. I couldn't tell if he was being sincere right now or if he was just taunting me. I decided to take a chance considering I was working to become Dauntless now and believe him.

"I should thank you, you know?" I replied just as quietly. "If you and Lance hadn't made me mad, I probably wouldn't have figured it out. I'm stubborn and won't take failure as an answer, I just won't accept it. It was one of the main reasons I could've never stayed in Amity."

"I'm really glad you didn't stay in Amity," he told me as we walked into the loud dining hall. Before I could react to that, he quickly added, "I could help you with the knives. I'm kind of okay at it."

To say that I was skeptical was an understatement (I was also confused by what he said before, but that was a different story), I **never **wanted to be alone with a stranger. Yet Eric didn't strike me as someone that wanted to hurt me. I didn't doubt that he could, that was clear in his eyes at any time, but something just told me he wouldn't. Right as I was about to tell him yes, I remembered _him _and closed up.

"Uhm, I don't know about that. I already made plans to train a little with T tonight," I said louder, wrapping an arm around T's shoulders and bringing him into the conversation. "Isn't that right?"

I'd never made any plans with him and knew that touching made him nervous. I also knew that out of him and Kadence he would be more likely to go along with my made up plans. Kadence was fresh out of Candor, the urge to tell the truth was still strong within her. I also played on the fact that T was trained to make others happy above himself. That might've made me sound a bit selfish, but he owed me for having his back this morning.

"Yeah, she sucks and I don't," he said simply, shrugging off my arm and leaving me with Eric.

Whatever kindness had been in Eric's eyes earlier was gone now. He'd completely closed himself off from me liked I'd done to him earlier. Suddenly the blue in his eyes suddenly turned brown. They were laced with a familiar malice that made the hair on the back of my neck raise. I had to get away before I had a full blown panic attack.

I pushed past Eric and ran until my lungs completely constricted. I hit my knees on the hard stone floor of the Dauntless compound, thankful for the darkness to hide my weakness. I didn't want anyone to see me have a total breakdown on my first day.

_I was back in the apple orchards, finishing up my picking duty that I'd arrived late for. That meant I had to stay late until my basket was full. I really hated apples and picking them off of trees._

"_Mar, why're you out here so far by yourself? It's not safe," Wyatt shouted, making me jump and pour out my basket of apples. _

"_Damn you, Wyatt! I was almost finished with my duties for the day! Now I have to pick all these up and throw out the bruised ones," I shouted at him before dropping to my knees to gather the scattered fruit. "You'd better hope that most of these aren't bruised or you're in trouble."_

"_Who gave you the idea that you're intimating?" he asked, crouching own and helping me gather up my apples. "You're like a house cat trying to be a mountain lion."_

"_A house cat still carries a nasty bite," I retorted, tossing the bruised apples into a pile and the good ones into the basket. "Why are you out here? You finished your pickings on time."_

"_I wanted to spend some time with the most beautiful girl on the compound," he said, taking my hand in his and holding it tight. "I see the way you look at me when we're on picking duty together, Marhysa."_

"_I don't know what you're talking about, Wyatt. I'm not interested in you like that," I told him, trying to pull my hand free, but he held strong. "Let me go, I have to finish this up. My mom's going to come looking for me soon, I'm already running late and she expects me to help her with dinner."_

_His eyes turned dark and his lips rose into a scary smile. "Don't worry about that, I've already talked to her. She liked the idea that I was coming out here to make sure you got back safely. I didn't figure she'd want to know the dirty details of what we were going to do before that."_

_His words made an icy finger trace down my spine, leaving goose-puckered skin in its wake. Adrenaline started pumping through my veins as I tried in vain to tug my hand out of his vice-like grip. He pulled my body to his and forced his lips onto mine, pushing the kiss even when I tried to fight him off of me._

_He had almost a foot of height on me and well over a hundred pounds –there was no way I could fight him off. He felt like a thousand pounds of stone when he laid his body over mine, pushing my skirt up my legs without my permission. His voice was nails on a chalkboard as he whispered that I'd love it when he ripped my panties off. His scent reeked of sweat and apples when he forced himself inside of me. _

"Rhys?" a calm voice drew me out of my own personal hell paired with a timid hand placed on my shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed through a raw throat, shuffling away from the person on my butt and hands clumsily.

"Rhys, it's okay," T said, keeping his distance from me. "You ran out and I thought I would make sure that you were okay."

"I'm fine," I told him even though my voice sounded like it was being forced through a wood chipper.

"Normally people that classify themselves as fine don't have mental breakdowns in dark tunnels instead of eating lunch," he remarked, smirking at me.

"Go fuck yourself, stiff," I forced out through clenched teeth before standing up and shakily making my way to a bathroom to see the damage my meltdown had caused.

My neck was red and looked like I'd been strangled, but that was normal for me when I got worked up. I was more worried about my eyes giving away that I'd been sobbing, I could pass off the redness for an exercise-induced flush. I splashed my face with cold water and the redness around my eyes went down considerably, but I couldn't do anything about them being bloodshot.

I just pushed the thought away and placed it in the same box that I kept _him _and the memories of that night in. I was going to go train and be a badass at knife throwing so if I ever saw _him_ again, I could throw one and kill him without even getting close and smelling his sick scent again.

I squared my shoulders and held my head high as I walked back into the dining hall. I saw Kadence smiling at me, but T was missing. I remembered that I'd called him "stiff" and knew that had hurt his feelings. I had to apologize to him later on, he was just trying to be a good friend and make sure I was okay and I bit his head off.

"You look flushed," she remarked as I sat down and started eating the pork that was provided for us. "Did you and T get it on by the chasm? Knock boots in the dark, romantic tunnels? Bump uglies in the training room?"

"You're literally too Candor for your own good, Kadence," Lance remarked before sitting down across from us. "Sorry to jump your ass, red. I can't let the others think I let you half-ass training because I think you're beautiful."

"Why don't you do us both a favor and shove your excuses up your ass for me, sweetheart?" I asked sweetly, fluttering my eyelashes at him.

That made the entire table burst into laughter and effectively took the attention off of our encounter. I didn't know if Lance was aware, but he drew a lot of peoples' gazes when he sat with Kadence and me. It increased tenfold when he made a comment about how beautiful I was. The last thing I needed was for people to think I was sleeping my way to top rank.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading, I hope that past scene wasn't too bad to read... <strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**This chapter is sort of a filler until the very end with Rhys and Eric. I'm trying to work through relationships without rushing them while also adding a main plot. Their romance is only going to be a subplot, if you catch my drift. **

**Is anyone actually reading this? I'm getting followers but no reviews. Do you guys think you could give me some feedback because I feel like it's sort of slow and not building really.**

* * *

><p>No one asked about my disappearance during lunch time and I was grateful. Then we all made our way back to the training room and went back to knife throwing. No matter how hard I worked at it, I never seemed to get any better and it was so frustrating. I was the smallest initiate and knew that that was going to be a problem. At some point we would be doing hand-to-hand combat and I would be toast. If I thought I was bad at throwing knives, I was going to be even worse at fighting.<p>

"You've got too much tension in your shoulders," T told me, making me jump in surprise. "And you call me the stiff."

"I'm sorry, T. I was upset and vulnerable and it happened to be you that caught me," I explained to him. "I hate when people see me that way, I don't want to look any weaker than I already do."

"I accept your apology," he said without looking away from the target. Then he launched a knife at it and hit the center perfectly. "But I'm still better at throwing knives than you are."

I listened to his advice and relaxed my shoulders, letting the tension leave. I gripped the knife in my hand and stepped forward before throwing it. I let out an excited shriek when it hit closer to the target than I'd gotten before. It was about two inches deep, but it was near the target and staying put so I considered that a victory.

"You hit the target, not the center! Keep going, red!" Lance said from somewhere behind me. "Good enough isn't good enough."

By the end of training that day, T had the most punctures at his target's center with a Candor boy close behind him. I was right in the middle with Kadence and that was good enough for me, despite what Lance shouted at me earlier. I didn't have to be first rank, I just had to be in the top ten to stay.

"You're all dismissed, but I advise that a great deal of you work on your throwing," Lance said. "Even if you're Factionless, this is a good skill to have. Fights happen no matter where you are, including every Faction."

I struggled to imagine a fight happening in Abnegation. I just saw two people standing close together, complimenting each other really harshly. The thought made me snort with laughter, but Lance didn't hear it and I was glad. The last thing I wanted was for him to chew my ass again today. I wasn't sure if I could handle that twice in one day.

T and I were walking in the Pit together when I felt someone wrap their arms around me from behind. Kadence slipped to the other side of me, keeping her arm in place around my shoulders, and fell into step with T and me. I was happy to have a group of friends that seemed to genuinely care about me, it was a giant leap above my life in Amity.

"I'm going to go get a tattoo of the Dauntless symbol over my heart," Kadence told us. "Do you want to go with me for moral support?"

"I was thinking about checking getting something like that on my back," T told her and I nodded in agreement.

I knew he was trying to shake the 'stiff' reputation that he had here. He wanted everyone to realize that he was Dauntless now. That made another pang of guilt course through me, I'm sure my comment hadn't made it any better.

We walked into the tattoo shop and it was a lot darker than I expected it to be. There was a steady smoke around our feet that confused me more. Wouldn't they need light to make sure that the tattoos looked good? I realized I was wrong when I saw the tattoo that was being placed on Kadence's chest looked really good.

While T and Kadence were getting their tattoos, I made a decision. I knew that I wanted to alter my body in some kind of way, I just didn't want to get a tattoo just yet. I didn't think I was at that level quite yet. Then I saw that the tattoo shop doubled as a piercing place and realized what I was going to do.

I gravitated over to that side of the shop and looked over all the piercing options. I wasn't courageous enough for any facial piercings quite yet, I still had _some _Amity left in me. I was going to pierce my ears in some fashion, I just had to figure out which one.

I looked through the ear piercing options and found the one that I wanted. It was a silver ball with balls on both ends that went through the top part of your ear. The label beside it said 'industrial.'

I went up to the lady leafing through a magazine sitting behind the counter. She had an eyebrow full of metallic hoops and three of them on one side of her nose. She was the embodiment of what I thought Dauntless would look like. Her hair was even bright pink with silver tips, but it really fit her and didn't look like she was trying too hard to be one.

"I want to get an industrial piercing," I told her, trying my best to sound like I wasn't scared of the idea.

"Sit in that chair and clear the hair away from the ear you want the piercing in," she instructed before getting up and disappearing into a back room.

My hair was still securely piled on top of my head, but some of my baby hairs had escaped during my training and the meltdown I had earlier. I tore the elastic out of my hair and shook it out behind me before I piled it back on top of my head, sans escaped baby hairs.

I sat down in the chair she pointed out and relaxed back against the leather. I heard someone whistle from another one of the chairs and opened my eyes back up. I followed the sound and saw that Eric was sitting in a chair with a black stud in each of his ears.

"I thought you were practicing with the stiff after training was over," he said, getting up and making his way over to me.

"Practice is for those who aren't good at something," I replied to him. "I figured I should do something about how Amity I still look."

I tried my best to keep my heartbeat down and keep myself from having a repeat of earlier. I held tightly to the hope that my meltdown hadn't been as public as I feared it was. The last thing I needed was for Eric to have seen it. I wanted him to think I was strong and that I could handle myself in any situation, not that that I was terrified for him.

"I'm sure it'll look sexy, just like the rest of you," he winked before strutting out of the shop with my eyes following him.

I'd never been called 'sexy' in my entire life. Sure, I've been called cute or pretty and obviously I'd been called beautiful by Lance. Eric calling me sexy made my entire body tingle and I felt my cheeks turning red. It was a confusing feeling that I've never felt before in my life.

Maybe I wasn't terrified of him, I just didn't know how to take him. He was arrogant, that much was still very true, but something told me he was trying to get me to like him. I mean, he had been pissed when I said I was hanging out with T instead of him. So I wasn't scared _of _him, I was scared of how I might feel _about_ him. That wasn't something I thought I would feel for a long time…

"Are you ready?" the woman asked, making me jump. "You want the left side, correct?"

I had been so focused on figuring out what was happening in my head that I forgot where I was. The lady had reappeared with a think silver rod in her hands and a baggie with the bar and balls sitting on the table beside me. Wow, I was not good at being observant lately.

"Yes to both," I said, shaking my head in hopes that it would make Eric and the tingly feeling going away –it didn't.

There was a pinch and a burn and then it was done. She handed me a small mirror so I could see the piercing that was now gracing my ear. It looked just as badass as I thought it would and I had the intense desire to go show it to Eric to see what he would do, to see if he thought it was sexy.

"Thank you," I told the lady before getting up and going over to Kadence and T. "Let me see you tattoo, Kade!"

Kadence pulled down the top part of her shirt and showed me the black ink on her skin. It was a thick black circle with flames shooting up inside of it. I'd seen it drawn on the walls down here in shaky lines, but the tattoo was different somehow. It seemed to be alight on her skin, shining bright even though it was done in total black ink.

"Oo, it looks like I'm not the only one who got a body-mod!" she exclaimed, gesturing to the new addition to my ear. "It looks so cool!"

"It's very becoming, Rhys," T agreed, making me laugh and bump him with my shoulder. "What? I may not be Candor, but I'm not a liar!"

I rolled my eyes and walked out of the shop with them on either side of me, making our way to the dining hall for dinner. Kadence and T sat on one side of the table while I sat on the other across from them, shoveling down the burger and fries that were sitting in the center of the table.

"It looks like I was right," Eric said, sliding into the empty seat on my left side. Then he whispered just for me to hear, "It looks very sexy on you, blaze."

My entire body exploded in the tingles and my face heated up immensely. Kadence must've noticed the interaction because I felt her foot hit mine under the table. I was thankful that she didn't ask about it out loud, that would've been too embarrassing for words.

"You all improved a lot from this morning," Lance told us, sitting down on my other side and drawing my attention away from Eric. "Especially you, red, I thought you were going to be bottom rung by the end of it, but you surprised me."

"So you're saying that I impressed you enough to not be the last rank?" I asked. "I'm not going to be Factionless because you think I'm beautiful?"

"No, you're going to be Factionless because you get too cocky and can't back it up," he replied, stealing a fry off of my plate. "The tattoo looks good on you by the way, Candor."

Kadence's face lit up and she smiled. "Thank you! I wanted to look more hardcore, well, as hardcore as I can look with blonde hair and blue eyes."

We all ate together and laughed about stupid things, even Eric cracked a smile a few times. Suddenly everyone started banging their cups and hands against the table and stomping their feet against the floor. It was loud and deafening, but it was so Dauntless that all of us joined in on it with smiles on our faces.

"Our initiates completed their first day of training!" Max announced from the balcony up above the dining tables. "I've consulted with both trainers and they've informed me that all the initiates have great promise! This may be our most talented group yet!"

That made the noise become even more deafening than it was before. I felt hands touching me from every direction as I rose above the tables. I saw that Kadence, T, and Eric were all up above with all the other initiates. We were being passed through all the Dauntless as they cheered for us.

It was such an amazing feeling, almost like I was flying. I couldn't hold in my laughter anymore, I let it bubble out of me in loud laughs. I couldn't pinpoint mine in the mixture of everyone else's, but that was okay.

I felt someone's fingers squeeze my hand and looked over to see that I was passing by Kadence in the air. Her smile was blinding and I'm sure mine was just as bright. She let go as we parted ways, but her touch was still burning on my hand. I belonged here more than I've ever belonged anywhere else in the entire world. I belonged with this group of people and this Faction, this was where I needed to be and this is where I was going to stay. I was going to get as high up in ranking as I could.

Eventually we were set back down onto our feet, but the joyous feeling stayed in my stomach. It was getting late and we had training early in the morning so I headed back to my bed. I was walking down the tunnel by myself when I heard someone jogging to catch up with me.

"Hey, I wanted to apologize for what happened between us earlier," Eric told me, making his pace match mine so we were walking together. "I'm not really sure what it was, but I'm sorry about it."

I contemplated telling him about what made me run away, and that was absolutely crazy. I'd never wanted to speak about it after it happened. I couldn't get a read on him, and it made me lose my mind! I brushed that feeling off and shrugged my shoulders indifferently, figuring he had to be a level four friend to unlock my tragic backstory.

"It was nothing, I just got a little overwhelmed by everything," I told him. "Everyone else seemed to be able to throw the knives but me. I was scared that I wouldn't rank, then I got better and that fear vanished. Sorry to disappoint you with my lack of problems."

"You're lying," he said, forcing me to stop walking my placing himself in front of me. "Why?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I told him, my face instantly hardening. "Why would I tell you anything about me? You're my competition; you'll use anything you to have the upper hand when it comes to rankings."

"I bet you've told the stiff all about it, haven't you? I saw him follow you out of the dining hall earlier and then neither of you came back," he said, his voice clipped and vicious.

"Yeah, he's my friend and he was worried about me," I told him, placing my hands on my hips and staring at him defiantly. "I'm allowed to talk to my friends about what's going on in my life. The only interactions the two of us have had involve you teasing and taunting me! Excuse the hell out of me if I don't count that as friendship!"

"Oh I'm sorry! I wasn't aware that it counted for Lance, but not for me! He hung you out to dry this morning and you were practically humping his leg at dinner!" he flung his words at me like the knives from earlier.

"Look, I don't know what you're mad about, but I do know that I don't have to deal with it. If you don't like me, don't put yourself into situations that I'm involved in," I told him, crossing my arms over my chest. "I like the way I live my life, and I'm going to continue to live it that way."

I pushed past him, slamming into him with my shoulder. I felt my lips pull up into a satisfied smile when I saw him almost lose his balance. He had to reach out and catch himself on the tunnel wall beside his body. The victory was short lived because he easily caught up with me and grabbed my arm, wrenching my body around to face him. There was less than an inch of space between our heaving chests.

"You're going to get yourself hurt if you keep being this reckless with your life," he forced out. "Be careful what you're doing, you don't know the full story on everyone. This isn't Amity, everyone is doing what's best for everyone else."

He flung my arm down and stalked out of the tunnel, back towards the Pit. Confusion flooded me as I stood there with my jaw hanging open. What the hell was he talking about? Who wasn't telling me the full story about everything? He was also sadly mistaken if he thought that everyone in Amity watched out for everyone else. Wyatt was living proof of that.

It was safe to say that I wouldn't sleep too soundly tonight. I would be awake rolling his words around in my head trying to make sense out of them. The stupid bastard.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading :-)<br>**


	5. Chapter 5

**This chapter is so long! Oh my goodness, I'm sorry if that's not your thing. I'm just trying to get the plot rolling so I can add some romance between the characters. **

* * *

><p>"Today is going to be busy for you. You're going to learn how to shoot a gun, and then after lunch you're going to learn how to win a fight," Lance told us as he passed out guns. "It's all preparation for the first stage of initiation."<p>

"How many stages are there?" Elijah, a Candor transfer, asked as he held the gun gingerly in his hands.

"There are three stages: physical, emotional, and mental," Lance explained. "Each stage has different point values so, in theory, you can completely bomb one of them and still get a high rank if you do really well on the others. I'm going to warn you that the second stage is the hardest. The fearscapes can change who you are as a person and change how you think about and see the world, but we're not going to get into that until the time comes."

We were training outside to day and the wind was non-existent and the sun was shining bright. I had my hair tied on top of my head as usual, but this time I had a scrap of fabric wrapped around my head to hold back my baby hairs. I'd seen a couple of Dauntless women who wore their hair longer do the same thing and immediately latched onto it.

We were outside of this training and I loved the way the sun felt on my face. My hair was tied up on top of my head and I had wrapped a scrap of fabric wrapped around my head to keep back my baby hairs. I'd gotten the idea from a few other Dauntless females that kept their hair longer and immediately latched onto it.

The gun felt foreign in my hands, too heavy and cold, and it scared me a little bit. In Amity guns were completely prohibited for any reason. The fact that they were given out so readily to us, who have only been in the Faction for two days, was crazy to me. What if someone decided to hurt another person with it? Then I thought about what I would've done to have this gun the night Wyatt happened and realized they weren't that bad. I don't think I could've killed him, but I definitely could've wounded him. I guess Lance wasn't lying when he said the Factions were complete opposites, I could only belong to one and this one seemed to be a good fit.

There was another set of targets about thirty feet from us except they had three dots in a vertical line down them. Lance had his own gun, standing in front of the group of us. He was going to show us how to shoot the gun correctly and let us go, much like us with the knives yesterday.

He stood with his feet flat on the ground, shoulders' length apart. He held the gun with both of his hands, one of them cupping the bottom and the other holding the handle part. He had his index finger on the trigger and his eyes locked on the target. When he pressed the trigger, I thought my ears were going to start bleeding.

"Damn, that is loud!" I told Kadence, watching as the bullet hit the middle dot perfectly.

I made my body match Lance's and pulled the trigger of the gun after he told us to start. I had no idea that guns recoiled, Lance's body didn't show that. I thought my hand was going to fall off it was aching so badly, but I'd learned from that. I knew that guns recoiled and I had to tense my body so it didn't get thrown back. I could do that.

I shook the tension out of my body and got back into firing position. I steeled myself into standing still when I pulled the trigger this time. I saw the bullet hit right along the outside of the top blue circle. It only took a couple more shots for me to hit the center target, perfectly in the center.

I was reloading my gun when I heard someone scream. I looked around quickly and saw that a stray bullet must've hit Elijah because he was lying flat on his back with his hand clutching his chest. I was so happy that we'd put on protective vests earlier or he would be seriously hurt. I heard Kadence apologizing profusely as Lance's laughter filled the air.

"It looks like we've got the first hit of stage one," he announced, making his way over to Elijah to make sure he was okay. "There's not blood, but there will definitely be a bruise there tomorrow. This happens every year except sometimes the initiate that gets shot isn't as lucky."

After Elijah got back up and we were reassured that he wasn't dead, we got back to shooting. By the time lunch came around, I was very proud of what my plywood looked like. There was a scattering of bullet holes all around it, but they were mostly at the center dot. Apparently I had a genuine talent for shooting guns. I almost see everyone in Amity throwing a shit fit and giving me the Peace Serum if they knew and it made me smile.

I handed the gun back to Lance along with my protective vest like the one that saved Elijah's life. He seemed to be getting better, his dark skin losing its ashen look. He even hit the center dot a few times. Kadence kept apologizing to him and he was eating it up. He even wrapped his arm around her shoulders and told her not to worry about it, making her face turn bright pink but not pull out of his embrace.

"It's a good thing you're better with a gun than a knife," T remarked, sitting down beside me at the table. "I was starting to worry about your rank, Rhys."

I punched him hard in the shoulder and saw him wince. "I wasn't, I'm good at this and it's where I'm supposed to be!"

After lunch we relocated to the training room. It was a lot hotter in there than outside so I quickly shed my sweatshirt in favor of my racer-back tank top and my cargo pants. I looked around the room and saw that it had been altered slightly since yesterday. A chalkboard was had been placed on one of the walls with our names written on it in alphabetical order. There were also punching bags hanging from the ceiling all through the room, replacing where the targets were yesterday.

"Now you're going to how to fight. This is going to prepare you to act, how to respond to any challenges or threats that come your way. It's a skill you're going to need if you end up in Dauntless," Lance instructed, walking the floor in front of us as he lectured. "Today you're going to learn about techniques and tomorrow you're going to fight. If you don't pay attention, you're going to get seriously hurt so I suggest you do."

Lance started to show us different types of punches, both in the air and against the punching bag. I took very detailed notes in my head about what he was doing. I had to figure out how to hold my own in that ring. I couldn't be beaten or I would be Factionless and I knew that. No matter how against fighting I was, this was something that I had to do to make a better life for myself.

I hit the punching bag gently a couple of times to get the feel of it before going to town on it. I tried to recreate all that I'd seen Lance do just seconds before. I was hitting the bag as hard as I could, with as much power as I could pack into it, but the bag was barely swinging on its chain. I felt my knuckles start pulsating. They were going to either be swollen or cracked open in the morning.

"Try planting your foot before you throw your punches, it'll give you more balance and you won't lose the force behind the punches trying to stand upright," Eric told me from his bag just behind me. "Tense your stomach but leave everything else limp. Core tension makes your muscles, what little ones you have, pack more of a punch."

I wanted to scream at him for talking to me, for putting himself into a situation with me after I told him not to. I had no idea what to make of him still and it infuriated me! Instead of doing any of that, I used that anger and frustration to hit the bag. It moved forward a little bit more but not as much as I wanted it to.

Even after Lance dismissed us for the night, I stayed after and worked with the bag more. I started to work my legs and feet into what I was doing until I was satisfied with the results. I kept working the bag until I was achy and exhausted and headed to the showers.

The water felt amazing on my sore muscles, the pulses of it working the aches out of my joints. By the time I was dried off and in sleep clothes, I felt pretty good. I could shoot a gun really well and throw a knife pretty well. I could use my body as a weapon, but I wouldn't know how well until tomorrow when we had the fights. I just hoped it was well enough to secure a good ranking.

My knuckles weren't as beaten up as I thought they would be when I woke up the next morning. They were a nice shade of purple, but they weren't split open and I was thankful. I pushed that thought away as I got dressed fo the fights today. I wore the tight pants called leggings according to Maddison, the girl from the roof on the first day. I wore a sports bra with a tank top over it and my hair in a tight braid behind my head. I thought ahead and tucked the bottom part inside, securing it with pins, so no one could use it as a weapon against me. I knew I couldn't out-brawn any of them, but I could outsmart some of them.

We all gathered in the training room again, but the chalkboard had changed. The names were split into pairs with mine beside a girl from Candor named Bailey. She was taller than me, but we had the same slight build. I had to be faster and move my legs up to her torso, it was a weak point. If I get her bent over, I could take her down and I knew that. A knee to the kidney or a chop to the side of her neck should do that or-

"Stop calculating and listen to Lance talk," T told me, elbowing me in the ribs. "You can calculate later, you need to hear the rules."

I hit his shoulder with mine playfully before focusing on what Lance was saying. "You will fight each other until you can't continue or you concede. There is no shame in conceding, but know that if you do, your rank will reflect that decision."

"Oh wow, I'm glad I listened to those rules," I whispered to T as a big Candor transfer named Frankie went up against an equally big Amity transfer named Leo.

Amity may be peaceful, but some of the boys were huge from all the lugging and packing of crops that they did. I'd seen Leo around, he was one of Wyatt's friends. That made me nervous around him, but he hadn't even acknowledged my existence so I assumed he just thought I was another face in the crowd and I clung to that. The last thing I wanted was for him to know what happened in those orchards that night because I knew it would be Wyatt's version and that wasn't what happened.

They circled each other for a minute before Frankie struck out and hit Leo square in the jaw. The sheer force of the blow would've knocked anyone else out, but Leo just stumbled back a little. He reached forward and grabbed Frankie's arm, wrenching him close with it much like Eric had done to me yesterday.

With his arm tightly in one hand, Leo slammed his fist up into Frankie's nose. It started spurting blood everywhere and disoriented him enough that Leo let him go and punched him in the side, knocking him to the ground. So that move did work to knock someone down, I was right.

I figured the fight would be over, but Frankie had another idea. He grabbed Leo's ankle and pulled down onto the mat with him. He flipped over onto Leo and held his hands down with his knees on his wrists; he was acting disoriented when he really wasn't! I would have to remember that for when I fought.

The fight went on for a little while longer as Frankie beat the hell out of Leo. He didn't tap out, but I'm sure he thought about it. The color of his face reminded me of the painting that the little kids did in school. So many different colors on one thing that they ran together to make a dirty black color.

"Winner: Frankie!" Lance announced. "Next fight, Kadence and Maddison."

That made my stomach clench uncomfortably as I watched them climb up onto the platform. Kadence held out her hand and Maddison took it, shaking it. That hadn't been asked of us, but I really respected the two of them for doing so. It showed that we were civilized, not total barbarians like the other Factions thought.

As soon as Kadence dropped her hand, Maddison launched herself. Kadence hit the floor with the bigger girl on top of her quickly. She hadn't been smart enough to wear her hair up and she seemed to be regretting it big time as Maddison used to hold her still so she could punch her face easier.

I reached down and grabbed T's hand in mine, lacing our fingers together as Kadence spit blood onto the floor. I watched her, willing her to do something, but she just stayed still. Then she used all of her body weight to knock Maddison off of her and stand back up. Their fight was pretty evenly matched until Maddison grabbed her feet and knocked her flat onto her back for a second time. Her head hit the ground so hard that it completely knocked her unconscious.

"Winner: Maddison," Lance announced, allowing T to take Kadence to the infirmary. "Next fight, Rhys and Bailey."

My chest was uncomfortably tight as I walked up to the mat with the other girl. I extended my hand to her, but she just knocked it out of the way. Okay, she was a bitch; that was going to make it easier to beat her.

I kept tension in my stomach as I watched Bailey for a weakness. She only covered her face or her torso, never both at once. I took a deep breath before striking up with my foot into her side, hitting her kidney. While she was bent over, I clenched my fist tightly and connected it with her cheekbone. She hit the ground hard and tried to grab my ankles, but I stepped around her.

I trapped her arms under my knees like Frankie had done to Leo, digging them into the tender part of her wrist. I threw my fist at her face again and saw blood start flowing freely from her nose, soaking my leg in it. I punched her one more time and felt a twinge in my stomach that made me want to vomit.

This wasn't what I wanted to be, I didn't want to beat someone senseless to prove that I was brave. My stomach was full of uncomfortable knots as bile rose in my throat, I couldn't do this and I wouldn't do this.

"Tap out!" I told her, digging my knees in deeper. "I don't want to hurt you, tap out!"

She shook her head and struggled in vain underneath me. This was terrible, I couldn't do this anymore. I didn't care how it affected my rank, this wasn't right. I stood up and held my hands in a surrender motion.

"I'm done!" I announced, standing up and stepping off of the map.

"Excuse me?" Lance asked, walking up to me and staring me down. "You were winning, why did you tap out? Get back over there and finish your fight."

"Being brave doesn't mean beating someone until they pass out. That's being a coward in my book," I said. "I'll take whatever rank that gives me, but I'm not going to fight her when she can't fight back."

I walked back over to Bailey and offered her my hand, pulling her up to her feet. I didn't look back at any of them, I just walked her to the infirmary with my head held high. She didn't say a word to me, but I didn't blame her. I'd hurt her pride by tapping out without getting a mark on me, but even if I didn't do it for her. I did it for me and my mental health. I don't think I could've handled beating her unconscious, I would've let it eat away at me until I drove myself insane.

I handed her off to one of the nurses before going over to check on Kadence. T was standing by her bedside, watching over her with his arms crossed over his chest and a severe frown on his face. She was still unconscious, but her coloring was better than before. I sat down beside her on the bed and brushed the stray hair out of her face, proud that she'd stood her ground even if Maddison won, she didn't concede.

"You two need to go back to training, I've got this under control," the nurse said, shooing us out of the infirmary and closing the door behind us.

"You're not going to be mad at me when I beat up your boyfriend, are you?" T asked me as we walked back to the training center. When I raised my brow, he explained, "I'm up against Eric and I don't want you to get all pissy when I beat him up."

I punched him as hard as I could in the arm and smiled when I saw him flinch. We walked back to the training center just as Mariah, a girl from Amity, knocked Ben, a boy from Erudite, unconscious with a knee to his temple. I guess they weren't kidding when they said that we had to learn to fight anyone, which meant girls fighting boys without any questions being asked or arguments being made.

"Winner: Mariah," Lance announced. "Next fight, T and Eric."

"Good luck," I told T, squeezing his hand before watching him go up to the mat with Eric not far behind.

They were built very differently, but somehow they looked like they were evenly matched. Eric seemed to be all brute strength with broad shoulders and well-muscled to match. T was slight and lean, that meant he was going to be faster than Eric. I just hoped he didn't get too hurt, Eric was already arrogant enough without adding beating T to his list of accomplishments.

Eric didn't waste any time, he launched himself at T with fists raised. T dodged the blow and rounded on Eric, punching him straight to the ribs. Eric lost his bearings for a second before he threw another punch at T, this time his kidneys. T winced and struggled for breath, but he didn't stop fighting. He brought his knee up into Eric's stomach, taking him by surprise and opening him up for chop to the side of his neck.

Eric shook his self before cupping his hands on T's ears and popping them. He then brought his own knee up into T's stomach, making me groan and clutch it. I figured he'd be too disoriented to fight back, but he grabbed Eric's arm and forced him to the ground. Then he started punching Eric's face harshly, leaving no room for a fight on Eric's part.

I finally saw Eric hitting the ground with his open palm violently. T immediately stopped and stood up, wiping his hands clean of blood and looking at the ground. I knew Eric was going to be on the warpath now that he'd been beaten and it was going to be directed towards T and possibly me because we friends.

"Winner: T," Lance announced. "That's the last fight so we're going to end training early today. I would suggest getting a good night's sleep. We're running laps until you puke and working out all day tomorrow to prepare for final fights."

"What do you mean final fights? Wasn't that what this is?" Elijah asked.

"This was a way of showing you your standing now. You're going to do strength and endurance training for the next week before final fights," he told us. "That's the last part of this stage and first cuts will happen."

"First cuts? How many of us will be gone?" Frankie asked.

"Only the top ten will make it to the next stage," he answered before leaving the room in a dramatic fashion, much like every other time.

T and I made our way back to the infirmary to check on Kadence. I was overjoyed to see that she was sitting up and gingerly sipping on a straw in her water glass. When she saw us, her eyes lit up and she sat the cup down on the table beside her bed.

"What happened after my fight? How'd yours go? Am I going to get cut because I didn't win?" she asked rapid-fire.

"T kicked Eric's ass from the training room back to the Amity compound," I bragged for him because I knew he wouldn't. I couldn't fight my smile when I saw his cheeks turn pink. "He may even be ranked at the top right now."

"It wasn't that great," he said quietly. "I'm going to have bruised ribs for the next week anyway."

"Way to go! I knew you could kick some ass, Abnegation!" she said, holding up her hand for a high-five. "This is one of those high-fives Rhys taught you about the other day."

He sneered at her before slapping his palm against hers. "I may not be from Erudite, but I'm not a total moron, thanks."

"You're going to rank higher than I am," I told Kadence. "I tapped out."

"Huh? You don't even have a scratch on you," T observed, looking me over. "Why did you tap out?"

"I couldn't justify beating someone to a pulp that wasn't fight me back," I explained. "She refused to tap out so I did. I'm going to take whatever ranking I get because I deserve it."

"That was pretty brave, Rhys. I wouldn't rank you low for that," T said appreciatively, sitting down on the other side of Kadence's bed.

"It was brave," Lance said, making us all jump at his sudden appearance. "But Dauntless doesn't make rebels, it makes soldiers who take orders. You're a good fighter, but you can't let your conscious keep you from winning."

I wanted to fight him about that, but I kept my mouth shut. I needed to learn that that was how things worked in Dauntless. I needed to learn how to fight better and hold my own on the mat, maybe even how to knock someone unconscious.

"I'll keep that in mind," I told him. "But I skipped dinner and I'm starving. Do you guys want to join me while I get a snack?"

"Yes! I'm starving, I was too nervous to eat earlier," Kadence said, standing up and holding onto my arm. "Got a little dizzy, but I'm good now."

"Are you sure? Do you want to lay down longer? I can bring you something to eat," I told her.

She shook her head and drug me out of the infirmary with T following behind us. I realized then that that was our friendship in a nutshell. Kadence and I doing something stupid and him just following to make sure we were safe. That as nice, I'd never had friends that watched my back before.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you so much for reading!<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**THIS CHAPTER IS SO IMPORTANT!**

**There is also a link to Kadence and Rhys' outfits on my profile :)**

* * *

><p>"We can't go out tonight, Kadence! We've got training early in the morning," I argued as she struggled to fit into a tight black skirt.<p>

"Exactly, I want to have fun before I want to die again in the morning. Training makes me want to throw myself into the chasm," she told me. "Now try on that dress in your hands and have some fun."

Kadence and I were in the clothing shop in the Pit. We got an allotted amount of points that we could spend however we pleased. I'd spent some when I got my industrial pierced, but I still had quite a few left over. Kadence decided that she and I needed to go get an outfit before going to our first Dauntless party tonight.

I wasn't used to having to buy an outfit specifically for a party. In Amity all the parties revolved around peeling apples, shucking corn, or something else food preparation related, but at these parties people danced and drank and got completely wild then went back to their lives the next day. Dauntless went hard with anything and everything they did.

"That doesn't even count as a skirt and that sure as hell is not a top," I exclaimed looking at the skirt she had on and the scrap of fabric she was holding in her hands.

"Shut up and zip up the back of it," she said before stripping off her bra and putting the top in its place. "And it's called a bustier, not a top."

I just ignored her and took either side of the _bustier_ in my hands. The zipper didn't quite reach and she seemed to know what to do. She bent forward and shuffled a bit before coming back up straight, her hands on her chest. I didn't question it or watch what she was doing, I just forced the bustier closed and zipped it up.

She turned around to look at me and I saw that she had a lot more cleavage now than before. I realized that that must've been the purpose of a bustier. I also saw something shiny hanging from her navel that I'd never seen before.

"What'd you do? What's that?" I asked, reaching forward and flicking the dangly jewelry. "I've been with you almost every minute of every day since we got here."

"Elijah and I couldn't sleep the other night so we went exploring," she told me, looking everywhere but my face. "He dared me to get it pierced and I dared him to pierce his eyebrow."

I didn't push the subject anymore, I knew she'd spill everything about their relationship to me eventually. I just stripped out of my clothes and pulled the dress that I'd picked out onto my body. I held my hair up as she pulled the zipper up into place. When I looked in the mirror, I did a double take: I looked like a completely different person!

My face had lost all of its roundness, replaced with sharp angles that made me look sophisticated paired with the high neckline of the dress I was wearing. It wasn't the normal Dauntless dress, it didn't show any of my skin. I really like it though, Amity had never allowed us to have fancy clothes because they weren't practical to work in.

"I'm actually really upset that you look good in that dress," she remarked after I dropped my hair and turned to face her. "But it's too uppity for a party, it looks like you're going to a funeral. You need something more fun and sexy!"

I guess to her sexy meant revealing in tight or at least that's what her outfit told me. She had on a tight, stretchy skirt that ended about three or four inches above her knee and a leather top that covered her boobs and about an inch of skin below it. I was jealous that she looked more Dauntless than I ever could, but I couldn't make myself expose that much skin just yet. I wasn't ready or comfortable enough with my body.

"This dress looks great on you, but I think I'm going to go see if I can find something a little more risqué," she winked, putting her old clothes back on and disappearing back into the store.

I sighed and took off the dress but not putting my other clothes back on. I knew she would make me take them off to try on everything she brought me so it would be pointless. Instead I busied myself with hanging the funeral dress back up and tapping my fingers on my thigh.

She came back with a stack of black and red clothes in her hands, extended towards me. I handed her back all of the red clothes, too much Amity. I also gave her back some for lack of modesty.

After I'd weeded out the not going to happen, I tried on the other four dresses. The last one I tried on was definitely my favorite. The sleeves were complete lace and the dress itself was made out of the same stretchy, tight material as Kadence's skirt. It was just the right amount of sexy for me to feel comfortable.

"That's the dress that you're going to get," she told me certainly. "Now that we've got the clothing covered, let's go get shoes."

She ended up getting tall, satin boots with a chunky heel that went up to her knee. I got a pair of tie up ankle booties with a spiked heel. They were the tallest shoes that I've ever worn in my life and I made sure I could walk in them before we left the store. It would've been stupid to buy shoes that I couldn't move in, but that was what Kadence did.

"You're seriously going to go to that party tonight?" T asked when we met up with him in the room that we slept in. "We've got training at eight in the morning and the party doesn't start until midnight."

What he was saying was the complete truth. I hated the thought of going to the party and then forcing myself to get up tomorrow. I'd actually already thought about telling Kadence that I didn't feel well and bailing out. Then I thought about all the things that could happen to her if she went on her own and cringed. I didn't want someone to hurt her like someone had hurt me, it wasn't fair.

"That's less than surprising, a stiff dismissing a party," Eric's arrogant voice said as he walked into the room with us. Then he looked over at me and said, "I'm going to be there, blaze. Make sure you save me a dance."

He was healing up nicely, he had a cut on his forehead and bruising on his neck from T's chop to it. The rest of his bruises had disappeared mostly. He wasn't any more on the warpath than usual, he just voiced what he thought more often now.

"I don't know about that," I told him without looking away from T's face. "I'm going to be pretty distracted by Kadence and T tonight…"

That seemed to please him because he left the room with a smirk on his face. Kadence took my hand and pulled me into the bathroom. She said that she needed to do my makeup so I looked perfect tonight, especially considering how interested in me Eric was. That made me cringe a little, but she didn't question why.

In Amity I'd never worn makeup, I didn't see the point because I would've just sweat it off. Kadence was amazing at applying it, she said Candor girls wore it every day. I couldn't imagine the struggle of having to put on an entirely different face every morning before you left your house. It just seemed a bit excessive to me…

She put stuff on my eyelids that I'd seen on other Dauntless females, a black line along the beginning of my eyelashes. Then she put red lipstick on my lips after assuring me that it didn't look bad with my hair. I was so anal about things clashing with my hair, it was the curse of being a redhead.

"So are you going to tell us what's going on between you and Eric or just leave us hanging?" she asked after we went back into the other room where T was sitting on my bed.

"There's nothing going on. He's just an arrogant Erudite transfer that makes it his personal mission to piss me off beyond recognition," I said, feigning indifference as I flipped my hair over one of my shoulders and pinned it into place.

I could tell that they wanted to press the subject more, but it was getting late. After a little (lot) bit of begging, T agreed to go with us. He wore his jeans and t-shirt, but he still looked really good. He just had that effect on whatever he wore and had no idea how attractive he was.

A back corner of the Pit had been sectioned off for the party and it sounded like it was in full swing when we walked in. The smoke that had been in the tattoo place was in here too, except it was a lot thicker in the air. There were flashing lights bouncing off of the walls and music pulsing around. It was unlike anything I'd ever been to in my life, but I loved it!

"Let's go dance!" Kadence shrieked, grabbing my hand dragging me towards the hoard of people moving together.

Much like our first day together, I reached out and grabbed T's hand. He let out a surprised sound when he almost lost his balance and it made me laugh. Kadence started dancing under the pulsing lights and I followed her. The only thing I'd loved about Amity, other than the sunlight, was the dancing.

"It's so easy, just move your body to the beat of the song. It's so dark in here no one can see what you look like," I screamed at T to be heard over the loud music. "You look like a total dolt just standing there while everyone else is dancing!"

He moved his body jerkily and I started laughing before I could stop myself. "Yes, that's really encouraging me to dance with you. Maybe that's why Kadence already left the two of us."

I turned around and saw that he wasn't lying. She was wrapped around Elijah in a way that wasn't appropriate for anyone's eyes. I covered T's eyes with my hand and tried to stifle my laughter, but it was impossible. It tumbled out in peals and his quickly echoed it, taking a hold of my wrist and moving my hand off of his eyes.

"Dance with me, you dork," I told him before tossing one of my arms around his neck and moving along to the song at a more appropriate distance than Kadence and Elijah. "See, it's not that bad."

By the fourth song, T had finally gotten the hang of dancing. He was moving to the music better than I was and I'd grown up dancing! I laughed more than I ever have in my life with him and was again thankful that he was in my life.

"Do you mind if I cut in, stiff?" Eric's voice broke through our laughter.

T looked at me to see if it was what I wanted. I reluctantly nodded and took a deep breath, it was easier to agree once than to fight with him the entire night.

"Yes, but only for one dance. I told T I would be his dance partner all night, isn't that right?" I said, but then I realized that he was already gone. "And you're gone and I'm talking to myself."

"There's no need to be nervous, blaze. It's just a dance," he said before he pulled my body close to his. "There are even witnesses around."

I stepped back and placed a hand on his shoulder as the music slowed down. I was surprised they were playing a slow song, that didn't usually happen at parties. Then I saw more than a few couples start to move to the song, holding onto each other tightly. Oh, everyone was drunk and wanted to dry hump in public. That was nice.

"Look, you make me nervous a lot," I told him as he placed his hands on my waist and guided me around the floor with him. "It's not the good kind of nervous so don't get excited. I don't know how to take you and it drives me crazy. One second you're complimenting my piercing, calling me sexy, and helping me learn to hit a punching bag; then the next you're grabbing my arm, scaring the hell out of me, and causing me to have anxiety attacks."

His face actually softened when he heard that. Then he said said, "I didn't know I caused you to have an attack or anything. I was just pushing your buttons because you get all riled up. You're so cute when you're mad."

That threw me for a loop; he thought I was cute when I was mad? No one had ever said anything like that to me. Despite my fears of having a repeat of the night with Wyatt, I moved my body closer to Eric's. His eyebrows raised in surprise, but his hand stayed chastely on my waist. When he did that, my fear vanished and my lips pulled up into a smile.

"Be careful, Eric, I might think you're my friend," I whispered in his ear, getting rid of the rest of the space between our bodies until we were pressed together. "Or maybe something more."

Eric and I danced together for the rest of the night and he actually made me laugh. I was surprised by the turn of events, but it made me happy at the same time. I finally felt like an initiate should feel. I was happy and anxious and nervous and free all at once.

Eventually it got hard to keep my eyes open and I figured it was time to turn in. I looked around the dance floor and saw that Kadence and Elijah were gone along with T. I guess they'd left way earlier, but I was too distracted dancing with Eric to notice.

"We'd better head back. It's late and we have an early morning," I whispered into Eric's ear during the lull in a song. "I'm pretty sure we're the only initiates still here."

He nodded and took my hand in his, lacing our fingers together, and lead us through the hoard of people. We were almost out when I felt someone else take my other hand. Eric's grip was torn away as I almost lost my balance in my shoes.

"You look sexy as hell, red," Lance slurred, getting too close for comfort to me. "Way too good to not go back with me."

Lance was really drunk and it made me very uncomfortable. As if he sensed it, Eric came up behind me and placed a hand on my lower back. Lance still had my arm in his grip, tightening it considerably when he saw that Eric was with me.

"Dating isn't allowed between initiates, especially two at a time," Lance said. "I saw you dance with the stiff and now you're with the dick."

I felt Eric stiffen further as he pulled me from Lance's too tight grip. "Don't fucking put your hands on her."

I looked up at his face and saw that it was hard. Lance's face mirrored it as he grabbed me by my arm again and pulled me to his body. I felt my breath start to force itself out through my nostrils harshly. I was working up to another anxiety attack. There was too many people in here and I couldn't see what was around me. Too many people were touching me and I had to get away from it.

"Lance, let me go," I whimpered, hating how weak I sounded. "You're hurting me."

"I'm hurting you? You want to be Dauntless, but you're whimpering? You might as well jump the train now join your new Faction," he sneered before he threw my arm down and turned around.

I didn't wait for Eric to leave, I turned around ran out of the party. I had to slow down to pull my shoes off before I fell and hurt myself. That was stupid because it gave Eric time to catch up with me and see that I was trying my best to keep my tears at bay.

"Rhys, are you okay?" he asked, forgoing my nickname and looking at me with pity in his eyes.

That made something inside of me snap and I became cruel. I didn't want his pity, I didn't want him to think I was weak enough to need it. This was a mistake, I should knew better than to ever let someone get too close to me, even if it was for a second like tonight.

"I'm fine, I don't need anyone to put me back together," I told him, wiping my eyes and standing tall. "This was a mistake, dancing with you was a mistake."

I wanted to make him realize that I didn't need him to fix me. I wasn't some broken doll that had to be put together and protected. I saw his face harden in response to my words and it made it easier. If he hated me, he wouldn't try to make another move on me and be disappointed when he found out what I was hiding.

"Whatever," he huffed before slamming his shoulder into mine as he stalked past me.

I waited until he was gone to find a dark corner. I sank down and pulled my knees up to my chest, hiding my face in them. I didn't want to fall apart again, I wanted to be over what happened to me. I hated that Wyatt had such a hold over me when I was in a completely different Faction than he was. I had left my home to put distance between us, but he was still right beside me.

I was so stupid to think that I could ever be free. I was broken and used and no one was ever going to want me. Even if they did, I could never let someone see me for who I was really was. I was too afraid that I was going to be hurt again to ever let someone love me fully. They took whatever they wanted and left you bleeding, literally.

Before I could stop myself, I was thrown into another flashback.

_I could hear Wyatt's happy whistle as he left me lying on the ground of the orchard. I couldn't stop myself from sobbing. I ached in places that I'd never ached before and felt so dirty. Wyatt took my purity from me, one of the only things that I've ever cherished. A girl's virtue was one of the only things she had in Amity._

_I sat up slowly, trying to ignore the pain shooting through my entire body. I looked down to assess the damage felt fear surge through my body. There was so much blood! It couldn't be normal to bleed that much. _

_I had no idea what to do to stop the bleeding. I knew that if it was on an arm or a leg you were supposed to cut off circulation or if it was a major organ you were supposed to apply pressure. What were you supposed to do if it was inside of you that was bleeding?_

My tears broke free at the memory and were coursing down my cheeks freely now. Lance was right, I should just jump on a train and go be with the Factionless. That's where I was going after the first stage was over and everyone knew it.

"Why are you crying in the dark?" T's curious voice broke through the quiet tunnel I'd stashed myself in before my meltdown. "Did Eric hurt you? I'll kick his ass again without a second thought if I need to."

I reached up and tried to wipe the tears off of my face, but my fingers came back covered in black. Kadence had put eye makeup on me earlier and I was sure it was all over my face by now. I'm sure I was a mess and it just made me cry harder.

"Please leave me alone," I told him, hiccupping. "I don't need you!"

He sat down beside me on the wall and pulled my body close to his despite my harsh words. I knew how big of a thing this was for him, the bodily contact, considering he still blushed when I grabbed his hand sometimes. I laid my head against his chest and wrapped my arm around his stomach and I bawled.

I gasped for enough breath to whisper out, "I was raped."

I don't know what I expected him to do, but pulling me closer and rocking me like a child wasn't one of them. I was basically in his lap as he held me, keeping me from tearing apart at the seams. Whether he was born Abnegation or not, he knew how to soothe me better than anyone I've never known.

"My dad used to hit me," he whispered to me after I'd stopped sobbing.

I wanted to look up at him, but I knew it would embarrass him so I didn't. I just stayed where I was with my arms wrapped around his middle until we finally broke apart to go to bed for the night.

That night our friendship became real. T was my best friend and he knew my best kept secret. The one that I've never told anyone before in my entire life. He told me his biggest secret in return which told me that I was his best friend, too.

* * *

><p><strong>Little bit intense, but I wanted to give Rhys more personality and character development. She pushes the people that she cares about away because she's so scared. Mostly of Eric because she really likes him, but she's too nervous to realize it. Yeah. <strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**I never really had much of a plan for Lance's character, but he has become a staple to this story. Yeah, I just thought I should throw that out there into the great unknown.**

**The next chapter is going to be capture the flag and I'm so excited! I'm thinking of maybe having so Rhys & Eric romance or something, but I don't have any idea what yet. Drop a review and tell me what you'd like to see happen and it might just make an appearance. **

* * *

><p>T and I didn't go back to the dormitory until four that morning. I went to bed even later than that because I showered off the tears and makeup before hitting the hay. I also made sure Kadence and Elijah were in here too, I would hate to have to go searching for either of them in the night. It was already late enough, I really needed to go to bed.<p>

Eight that morning came just as fast as I thought it would, but I was up and dressed by 7:50. I was in the training room before eight, but I dreaded seeing Eric. I basically gave him a guide book on how to take me out by telling him about my anxiety attacks and then letting him actually see me have one. I didn't even want to think about how bad it was going to be to see Lance because he genuinely terrified me last night and I knew he was going to take advantage of that.

Like he realized I was going to be freaking out, T walked up and stood behind me when Lance made his entrance. He even placed his hand on my lower back reassuringly when he saw me tense up. Something changed between T and me last night too, but this one was for the better. I had someone who was always going to be on my side.

"It has come to my attention that a bunch of you think it's okay to party at night, disregarding how early you have to get up and how important training is," Lance announced as he walked into the training room with us. "Because of this you're going to be running until four of you puke then doing pushups, sit ups, and crunches until you cry. See if you want to stay out late again after today.

"When you come back from lunch, there are going to be more fights. The pairings are over on that chalkboard if you're curious, but I want you to run while you read."

His eyes were trained on me the entire time he spoke so I started to do as he instructed to get away from it. I started off slow, jogging leisurely, as others decided to start out running full speed. They were going to wear themselves out in no time. That meant they were probably going to be the ones that puked first, I just had to make it through four of them before I got to stop.

I looked up at the chalkboard as I got closer to it and felt my heart squeeze uncomfortably and my feet stop moving completely. My fight was against Eric and the two of us were the first ones to fight. Lance was mad at the both of us because of what happened last night, we'd hurt his pride. He was being a jerk and getting back at us the only way he knew how to, making us beat the shit out of each other for his own sick amusement.

"I didn't say fucking jog, red. Get a move on," Lance shouted, making my temper spike suddenly. "I want you to run until you puke!"

"I'm not going to puke so get over yourself," I shouted back before I could stop myself.

"Everybody stop running," Lance said in a deadly calm voice. "Red is going to run laps for all of you until she pukes or passes out."

I just shrugged my shoulders and kept running while everyone else sat down, watching me with wide eyes. I didn't think about having to fight Eric, I didn't think about the stitch in my side that came from running as hard as I could, and I sure as hell didn't think about how intense Lance's glare was on my back. I just kept going because I didn't want to know what would happen to me if I stopped.

I ran the entire perimeter of the training room three times before I felt my stomach start to gurgle. I wasn't going to puke and give Lance the joy of seeing me fail, I was going to keep pushing until I physically couldn't. Or at least that was what I thought until I felt the burn of puke start working its way up from my stomach.

I ran to a trashcan and lost the breakfast I'd just consumed. I felt someone holding back my hair and rubbing my back as I kept retching even though I had no more food in my stomach. I knew it had to be T because Kadence would be talking to me and telling me about how 'I needed to stop' and 'it wasn't cute' or something like that.

"Stiff, I didn't say you could get up. Go back to your spot," Lance shouted, walking up to the two of us. "Red still owes me four laps."

"That's not what you said," T argued because I was too busy dry heaving to give a witty retort that would no doubt make my situation a lot worse. "You said she had to run until she puked, which she is still currently doing. That means she's done running."

"I changed my mind, I want her to run more," Lance said, moving closer to T as he spoke. "I want her to run until she realizes she can't treat her trainer like she did."

"Almost like you can't treat an initiate like you did last night?" Eric's voice startled me a bit, I figured he'd be eating this up after what happened between the two of us last night.

"Careful, initiates," Lance snarled out, looking at both T and Eric, "Or the two of you will be running until you have to share a trashcan with red."

"If they're running, I'm running," Kadence said, standing up and walking over to stand with T with Eric close on her heels.

"Me too," Elijah said, coming to her other side.

I felt warmth spreading through my body; this many people had my back. I had more people than just T to back me up. That made me feel stronger, like I could handle whatever Lance dished out to me. I had diserved to be punished for talking back and had to take what was given to me. That was what Dauntless meant, taking your medicine when you had to and backing up your friends.

"Thank you, but this is my punishment. The rest of you don't need to take it for me," I said, standing up and wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. "I can run four more laps, I don't have anything else to vomit so it should be okay."

"No, I get to make the decisions and I want to start the fights now," Lance said. "Red and Eric, on the mat. There's no conceding, we're fighting until you can't fight anymore. Since you both lost yesterday, I want to see what you've got."

There was no way I could win a fight against Eric and I knew that. He was big, broad, and pissed at me. He may have defended me just now and confused the hell out of me, but he was still mad and I knew it. I ignored every muscle in my body screaming at me to stop, I got up from the floor and made my way over to the mat. I couldn't show weakness or I'd be at the bottom of ranks in the snap of Lance's fingers. He was just looking for a way to humiliate me like I'd humiliated him last night.

Eric stood in his fight stance as he waited for me to get into mine. I wanted him to throw the first punch, I knew he had a tendency to do that, so I could act accordingly. I bet he also thought that he was going to beat me easily, probably knock me unconscious out of pity. That pissed me of more than anything that had happened this morning; I was not going to be an easy victory. I was going to fight my ass off before I went down.

Eric threw a punch and it connected with my shoulder, knocking me back a bit but not off my feet. He was fighting me, but he was also giving me a chance to fight him back. I stood back up and punched him in the stomach, making him double over so I could bring my knee up to his face.

Blood soaked through my pants and instantly felt guilty about it. I was going to back off until Eric used his entire body weight to tackle me onto the mat. The wind rushed out of my lungs and I couldn't seem to get it back no matter how hard I tried and it scared me. I remembered distantly falling out of a high tree back in Amity and feeling the same.

He didn't need to put his knees on my arms to stop my movements, I couldn't seem to make my hands move because I was too focused on making my lungs do their job. He didn't take pity on me, he pounded his fist into my face so hard my teeth clacked together and I saw black dots as pain exploded in the center of my face.

I forced my eyes open and saw that his face was caked in thick, dark blood from where I'd busted his nose. I also felt the thick, metallic liquid filling up my mouth from where he hit my face, probably making my nose match his. The more I looked at him, the more he started to look like Wyatt again and the more my heart started to try and beat its way out of my chest.

I was back in that orchard, but this time it was different. I knew how to fight and get him off of me, and I sure as hell was going to fight him this time. I brought my hands up and dragged my nails down his cheek, taking skin with me. He hissed in pain and reached up to cup the wound; I took that as an opportunity to flip him onto his back. His knee knocked into my ribs and I yelped, but I wasn't going to lose this fight. Before he could fight me back, I hit my fist against his temple and saw his eyes roll back in his head as he fell unconscious.

I forced myself up to my feet and walked over to Lance, spitting the mouthful of blood onto his feet. I didn't need to say a word to him, I knew my face said more than my mouth ever could. I turned on my heel and walked over to help heft Eric onto Leo and Frankie's shoulders so he could go to the infirmary.

"Break for lunch," Lance said, but I was already gone.

I washed my face off in the bathroom and saw that most of the blood was coming from my nose. It was throbbing and pointing at an unnatural angle –it was broken. That meant I had to go by the infirmary and get it set before I went back to training. The only thing that kept me going was that I'd already done both of my fights which meant I didn't have to compete in anymore of them.

"Looking in the mirror too long makes you vain," T said, making me jump and slap a hand over my racing heart. "Sorry, I thought you saw me walk in."

"No, I was focused on making sure all my teeth were still in my mouth," I said, grinning in the mirror to make sure they were all there. "Looks like none of them are missing, thank god."

"Let me look at your ribs," he said suddenly, walking up to me and lifting me up onto the counter. "I saw him dig his knee into them, it was a low move."

I waggled my eyebrows as best as I could considering it made pain shoot across my face. "You're just trying to see me naked, Tobias! I'm scandalized!"

His face heated up, but his hands were all business. He pushed my t-shirt up and put my hand over it so it didn't fall. His eyes were intense and brooding as he looked over the bruising and the scrapes that littered my pale skin.

His fingers pressed against my skin and made me want to hiss, but I held my tongue. His touch was clinical and to the point. I didn't want to ask why he was so good at what he was doing so I just sat as silently as I could. I was afraid that it would bring up bad memories for him and making him sad wasn't worth it. I already felt enough like shit, adding guilt to that would just make it worse.

"They're not broken, but they are really bruised. I would suggest going to the infirmary and getting pain killers while you get your nose set," he told me, helping me off the counter. "Remind me to never piss you off, Amity."

He was talking about me kicking Eric's ass, but I just shrugged it off. I didn't want to brag about it, I just wanted to go get something for the pain and something to eat. I'd lost all of my breakfast earlier and was starting to work up quite a hunger. I'd pissed off my trainer and made half the initiates help me do it. I wouldn't be surprised if I was kicked out of initiation for disobeying orders and having a loud mouth. If that was true, I was at least going to get a last meal out of it before I became Factionless.

"Come on, let's go. Your nose is freaking me out," T said, walking with me to the infirmary. "Plus I want to see what Eric looks like, up close and personal."

There was a slightly sadistic side to the Abnegation transfer that surprised me a little bit. I just shrugged it off and allowed him to lead me to the infirmary. Eric was lying in one of the beds, but he was conscious. His nose was already splinted and seemed to be setting back quickly. He had a set of four bright red, bleeding lines down the side of his face and I realized those were from my nails. I hadn't fought very fair either and needed to apologize for it.

"Hi," I told him timidly, gesturing for T to give us a minute alone. "Can I sit here?"

Eric just shrugged, wincing when it made him hurt. I knew that feeling all too well, I felt it every time I moved my body right now. I sat by his hips and took a deep breath, I hated apologizing for things. It was like admitting I was wrong and I wasn't too fond of that either.

"I'm sorry for not fighting fair," I forced out. "I scratched down your face and that was a dirty move to make."

"I don't need your pity," he forced out. "I just got my ass kicked by the smallest girl here, an Amity transfer, that's enough."

That hurt more than I wanted to admit, but I knew I deserved it. He and I had a lot of fun last night and I ruined it by telling him it was a mistake. I was too scared to let him get close to me, I didn't want to disappoint him or get hurt again.

"I've got to go get my own nose set and something for my ribs. Feel better," I said icily, standing up from his bed. "I'm glad I kicked your ass, maybe it'll make you lose some of your arrogance."

"I should've let Lance have you last night," he told me. "He probably would've gotten more than I did from your frigid ass."

I couldn't stop myself from wincing at the thought of Lance 'having me' last night, but I pushed through. "What are you talking about? All we did last night was dance."

"You're so stupid, blaze. Do you think I danced with you because I wanted to be your friend?" he taunted. "I wanted to get you in bed on your back with me between your legs. I didn't think it would be this hard, to be honest. You know what they say about Amity girls and I know you're no exception. Everyone knows what you've been doing with the stiff…"

"Come on, let's get your nose set," T said, swooping in and wrapping his arm around my shoulders. "Don't waste your time on him, it's not worth it."

To say that I was devastated wouldn't even cover what I was feeling right now. I'd never felt quite like this before in my entire life. I couldn't even cry, the feeling was too intense for crying. I literally felt like someone had carved my organs out of my body and left me a shell. I don't even know how to put into words how I fell, I just knew I never wanted to feel it again. I couldn't even focus on the thing about T and me.

The nurse set my nose with a splint and gave me a sleeve of pain killers for my ribs. She seconded what T already told me, my ribs were just bruised not broken, so I didn't have worry about them. I didn't look back over at Eric before T and I left the infirmary. I felt like that would've made me cave in on myself, but maybe I was just being dramatic.

"He just said those things because he wanted to hurt you," T whispered to me. "No one's talking about us doing anything."

I nodded my head because somewhere in the depths of my mind that made sense to me. When people were hurt, they often lashed out at others. I told him that us hanging out and having fun was a mistake and then I beat the hell out of him in front of our entire initiate group including our trainer. That probably hurt his feelings along with his pride and he wanted me to hurt as much as he did. There was no way he could know about me and my sensitivity to sex, especially when it came to promiscuity. I probably wasn't Wyatt's only rendezvous in the apple orchard…

"I just want to go eat and go back to training," I told him quietly. "Eric lost both of his fights so I'm ranked above him at least. Hopefully that means I'm ranked close to the top of the transfers."

I could tell he wanted to pick some more, but he let it go for me and I was grateful. I plastered a fake smile onto my lips and sat down by Kadence in the dining hall with T on my other side. The last thing I wanted was for more people to think that I was broken than the ones that already did.

* * *

><p><strong>Like I said earlier, drop a review telling me your ideas for a romantic moment between Rhys &amp; Eric for the capture the flag game next chapter. <strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**I FINALLY HAVE REVIEWS ON THIS STORY AND THAT'S THE GREATEST FEELING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD! THANK YOU SO MUCH IF YOU REVIEWED, FAVORITED, OR FOLLOWED THIS STORY. IT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME!**

**This chapter is my favorite one that I've written so far. It's just the beginning of everything, but I think it worked out pretty well.**

* * *

><p>Lance wasn't allowed to train us by himself anymore, he had to have a supervisor. I figured someone reported him for training unfairly and this was his punishment. If I didn't feel so dead inside, I probably would've been smug about his demotion. I couldn't shake Eric's words, I thought he genuinely cared about me so I pushed him away. It turned out that he just wanted sex from me, apparently that was all any guy in the world ever wanted from me.<p>

"This is the gate. If you don't rank within the top five after initiation, this is most likely where you'll end up," Lance said, avoiding my gaze completely. "There's a chance that you could get promoted from here, but it's slim. Most people who start out guarding the fence guard it for life."

I remembered looking at the rank board hanging in the training room yesterday. I was ranked number five out of the transfer initiates with Frankie, Leo, T, and Elijah ranked above me in that order. If I kept working my ass off, I would have a good enough rank to avoid gate duty because I knew that meant I had to interact with the Amity and that was the last thing I wanted.

"Marhysa?" my entire body stiffened and my blood was ice in my veins. "Marhysa, is that you?"

I turned around on my heel and saw that Wyatt was standing there in a long sleeved yellow shirt with the top three buttons undone and faded denim jeans with the knee torn out and ragged. He had a carefree smile on his face that made my heart clench painfully and I had to dig my nails into my palm to stop myself from bursting into hysterical tears.

"My name's Rhys, Marhysa died a long time ago," I spat at him. "You know all about that, don't you?"

"You've lost weight since you've changed Factions," he told me like I wasn't seething with anger so much that I was shaking. "You look really good, I might want to take you back to those orchards for round two later…"

He tossed an arm over my shoulders and pulled my body close to his. Before I could stop myself, I flipped his body over mine and pressed my boot against his throat. I wanted to crush his windpipe and watch the light fade from his eyes. I had no sympathy, I had no feelings other than anger and sadness eating away at my insides.

"Transfer, take your boot off of him right now!" the man overseeing Lance shouted at me. "You'll be Factionless within the hour if you keep that up."

"Come on," T said from behind me, grabbing my arm and yanking me off of him. "I know you want to kill him, but that won't undo anything. It'll just make you a murderer and Factionless, and god knows you couldn't handle either of those things."

T moved me away from Wyatt and the gathering Amity members. My entire body felt dirty from his touch and I wanted to shower desperately. I also wanted to cry until I couldn't make any more tears and dissolved into a puddle on the packed earth beneath my feet. I focused on controlling my breathing because the last thing I needed was to have a panic attack in front of every one of the initiates, my trainer, and the one supervising him.

"That was him," I whispered to T, trying to make it look like I was listening to Lance lecture us about the importance of the gate guards.

"I figured that by the way you went total rampage on him," he replied. "I wasn't going to stop you, I'm sure there's something cathartic about hurting the one that hurt you…"

Our shared broken pasts made us bode together so well and I was beyond thankful for it. I couldn't handle life if I had to keep that secret to myself for much longer. It would've eaten me alive.

"The train's coming, initiates," Lance announced, drawing everyone's attention. "You've got the rest of the day off. Do with that what you wish because training is over. You've got Visiting Day before you're ranked and the bottom two are dropped."

I had completely forgotten about Visiting Day. My mom would be coming to see me, I knew that for sure. She was going to come and make sure I was in one piece and being careful like she told me to during the Choosing Ceremony. I felt excitement flickering meekly at the pit of my stomach and the ghost of a smile pulled at my lips. I'd missed her like crazy!

"Good, I was beginning to think I'd never see that sight again," T said before we started running to catch the train. "I bet you that I can make it on the train before you!"

"Loser has to let the winner choose their first tattoo!" I shrieked in response, trying to gain speed and pass him.

He shook my hand before loping off ahead, his long legs proving to be helpful. He dove for the door handle and maneuvered himself inside gracefully. I pouted as I did the same and landed on my feet in front of him.

"I was thinking "Tobias is a badass" written across your chest would look great," T said after we'd sat together against the wall of the train car. "What do you think?"

"I think that if you make me get that tattoo it'll be your windpipe I'm bruising with my boot next time," I threated him.

Whenever we made it back to the compound, I made good on our deal. T led me into the tattoo shop and started looking through the many books for the perfect one. I sat in one of the chairs and waited, looking around the room and taking it all in. I refused to let him see that I was a little bit freaked out by the thought of getting one.

I heard a chair a few down from mine squeak as someone sat down in it. I looked over and felt my heart give a painful lurch. Eric was already looking at me with something unrecognizable in his cloudy blue eyes. He wasn't as hard as he was the other day, but there was a coldness that I knew reflected my own.

The tattoo artist was applying one to the side of his neck, a set of thick black lines by the look of it. I figured Eric would be watching it with rapt attention, but he was focused on me. Studying would be the only word that described what we were doing because it was so intense.

"I found the one you're getting, but you're not allowed to see it until it's done," T said, making me break our intense eye contact to look at him.

"If this tattoo is terrible, I'm going to kick your ass," I told him, punching his shoulder roughly. "I kind of want to like my first tattoo."

He just brushed me off as the lady came over to me with the tattoo machine. It was a weird, scanner thing that looked like something out of the infirmary. She put the tattoo that T had picked out onto the scanner and placed it over my collarbone where T instructed. It stung worse than getting my industrial, but it was almost pleasant. It made me feel warm under the skin like sitting in front of a fire on a cold night.

By the time it was finished, I was reluctant to get up and leave the feeling. I knew for a fact that I would be coming back for more tattoos. The woman handed me a mirror similar to the one I'd used to look at my industrial so I could see the tattoo for the first time.

It was written in black script along the bottom of my collarbone. It made tears spring to my eyes because T knew me so well. He picked out a tattoo that represented what I was feeling and going through, making me feel happier than I've been in a while. He wanted me to know that he believed in me.

"I am free," I read the words in a quiet voice. "T, this is perfect. I could've never picked one out that was this amazing or had the nerve to go through with it."

It was written in script right along the bottom of my left collarbone. The script was black, much like all the other Dauntless tattoos, running the entire length of the bone. It was a little red around the edges, but I could tell that I was going to be obsessed with it.

* * *

><p>"Get up!" Lance shouted, bursting into the dormitories just after lights out that night. "Get your asses up. You've got five minutes to get ready and meet us at the tracks. If you're not there by train's leave, you're Factionless."<p>

That threat was becoming a whole lot less intimidating the more he used it. I just pulled off my sleep shorts and replaced them with my cargo pants and wrapped a jacket around my tank top-clad torso. I shoved my feet into my boots and left my hair down; I could pull it up whenever I got to wherever we were going if I needed to.

The more I had to run to get onto the trains, the easier it got to do. I couldn't believe the amount of strength I'd developed over the time that I'd been here. I wasn't a weakling anymore, I could defend myself. I was tired of being sad and weak, I was going to be unapologetic and strong now like I knew I could.

Fuck Eric for making me feel like an insignificant slut. Fuck Lance for making me yell at Eric and ruin everything. Fuck Wyatt for making me hate everything in the entire world including myself. I was going to be stop living my life in fear of what could happen to me again and start living it in the now.

There was a pile of guns on one side of the train car and box filled with paintballs on the other. I raised my eyebrows as excitement filled me up. This was going to be a Dauntless experience, it was going to go with my tattoo and making me even more free.

"Grab a gun and a box of paintballs," Lance instructed, gesturing to each of them in turn.

T handed me a gun after he grabbed his own and before I handed him a box of paintballs. I slung my gun over my body by the strap and pushed the box of ammo into my jacket pocket. I was really good at shooting guns and this had the possibility to make my ranking even higher.

I looked at the faces in the train car and realized that a bunch of them were strangers. Then I saw the girl from the first day when I jumped from the rooftop that was at the bottom with Lance. I bet the strangers were the Dauntless-born initiates, we were all going to be doing this together. That made my excitement spike even higher, if I could beat them, I definitely could secure my place in ranks.

"We're going to be playing capture the flag, splitting all of you into two teams. It'll be an even split made of both transfers and Dauntless-born," the girl explained. "One team will get off first and hide their flag, then the second team will do the same."

"This is a Dauntless tradition, it's very important. Make sure that you take it seriously," Lance said, sharing the attention with the girl which surprised me. "Before any of you ask, there is no prize for winning other than the glory of beating the other team."

"Lance and I are your team captains," the girl said with a smile. "We're doing transfers first and I want the stiff."

T perked up quickly in surprise as he slipped over to her team. She ended up choosing me, Bailey, Elijah, Kadence, and Maddison. She chose the slight initiates that could move faster and stay camouflaged in the night. That alone told me that she was a Dauntless-born because Lance was going for brawn. Too much noise and not enough strategy.

I was proud of myself for realizing what she was doing, I'd learned more than I realized during initiation. The six members from Dauntless were also slight like we were while Lance's team was large. Teagan, the leader of my team, was smart and tactful in a way that I dreamed of being.

"We're hiding our flag first," Teagan announced, leaving no room for Lance to argue. "You do whatever you'd like, but we're going to win."

She walked over to the door and jumped out with all of us following her lead. Yet again I landed on my feet without the slightest stumble unlike the other transfers. I looked like the Dauntless-born kids and it made pride surge through me.

"I wasn't lying, we are going to win. Tell me what you're thinking and I'll tell you if it's a good idea or not," Teagan said, looking at all of us with a playful light in her eyes.

I looked around at the abandoned park we were in to try and find a good spot to hide the flag. It was big and bright orange so it was definitely going to stick out, we needed something far away so the color would be hidden.

"The carousel," T said suddenly. "It's far off and it'll be easy to protect from there. Post someone around the perimeter of it and shoot whoever they see that's not us."

"That's a good move, stiff," Teagan said, slapping T's shoulder appreciatively. "Now it's time to split up into groups: the ones to protect our flag and the ones to go get the other flag. I need the best shooters on the going team, and the best eyes on the staying team."

"Rhys, T, and Elijah are the best shooters from us," Kadence announced, pushing us all forward with a proud smile. "What about yours?"

"That would be Zeke, Lauren, and Fiona," another girl with an eyebrow full of piercings volunteered. "The rest of us can keep a hell of a guard."

"Good teamwork," Teagan complimented. "Alright, I want you all out with your eyes peeled to find that flag. Shoot as many as you want as long as you don't get yourself caught. Have fun and trust your teammates, they may end up being your family."

I decided that I liked Teagan, she was alive and happy in a way that I envied. I hoped that I could look like that one day. Maybe I already did, I didn't feel as hollow anymore..

"Let's fucking do this!" I said, slapping T's shoulder and hopping up and down. "I'm ready to win!"

"I admire your fire, Amity!" Teagan said, slapping her palm against mine. "Listen to her, she's got the heart to win it all. She's in command."

I saw a couple Dauntless-born initiates raise their eyebrows, but they didn't question her authority. I felt a little bad for them, I'm sure they knew Teagan personally. If I pulled this off and we won, I would definitely climb ranks and that fueled me onward. They would get over it if we won tonight.

"I don't want to step on any toes," I told them quietly as we walked into the park. "What do you think we should do?"

"We need to get a high vantage point," Lauren said, looking for high spots. "Like that train track in the sky over there."

I followed her finger and saw that she was right. There was a long metal track stretching towards the sky that looked just like a train track, except a little smaller. It went into a loop at the top before coming back down to the ground. I had no idea how a train could stay on it without falling off, but the people that came before us were odd creatures.

"Okay, we'll guard down below while you go up," Zeke told me, smiling happily. "You're smallest out of all of us and nimble, you'll get up there fastest."

"Come with me," I said to T, adrenaline pumping through my veins and making me bounce on my toes again.

"Uhm, I think I'm going to stay down here and do guard duty," he said, rubbing the back of his neck and avoiding my eyes.

"I've got your back, Amity," Zeke said, taking off towards the track.

I laughed and chased after him, enjoying the way the wind tore through my hair. Zeke stepped back and let me walk up the track first. I made sure my gun was securely behind my back as I climbed the track like the rungs of a ladder. I heard Zeke's laughter echoing mine as he climbed up just behind me.

When we reached the top, I took in a deep breath and let it out. I could see for miles from where I was standing, I felt like I was on top of the world. I let that feeling keep me filled up as Zeke and I looked around for the flag.

"Do you know what color their flag is?" Zeke asked me, craning his neck to check for the flag waving in the dark.

I saw a flash of neon yellow in the distance and pulled my lips up into a smile. "I think it's yellow and being hidden at the end of the pier."

He held up his palm to me and said, "Way to go, Amity!"

I slapped my hand against his and followed him back down the tracks. I let him tell them where the flag was as I continued to bounce in excitement. Fiona took over tactics this time, realizing that I wanted to share the victory with all of them.

"Zeke and Amity found the flag, so they're going to be part of the recovery team. T, you go with them while we cover you guys," she said. "Shoot whoever gets in your way, apologize later and make sure they're not on your team."

"Wait, it was impossible to see how many people were guarding the flag. Someone needs to go scout it out," I said suddenly. "All of us running in is sure to get us all shot."

Fiona raised her eyebrows in appreciation instead of annoyance like I figured. "Way to go, Amity. I thought this lot was going to go along with it, good catch. I'm assuming you want to be the one to do the scouting."

"Me and Lauren," I said, hitting her shoulder with mine. "You down to go scout out a bit?"

"Hell yes! I want to shoot someone with this puppy!" she announced, bouncing on her heels like I was. "Let's do this!"

She and I went out into the dark, making sure to stay silent as we went. When we made it to the final tree line before the big break for the pier, we stopped and spilt up, agreeing to meet back in ten minutes time. I went to the left and she went to the right. I thought I was being stealthily, but someone's arms wrapped around me from behind and held me so I couldn't move.

"This is a switch of positions, isn't it, blaze?" Eric rasped out into my ear. "I was going to shoot you, but where's the fun in that?"

I tore myself out of his grip easily, but I knew he expected that. His gun was hanging by his side and he made no move to grab it. I had mine clutched in my hand, aiming it right at his ribs because I didn't trust him. I still remembered the carved out feeling from the other day; he had way too much power over me and I hated it.

"Why shouldn't I shoot you right now?" I asked, tightening my grip on the gun and pointing it closer to his body so if I shot it, it was going to hurt like a bitch.

"I hate you so much, Rhys," he finally said to me, making me raise my eyebrows. "I hate how crazy you make me. I hate that just when I think I have you figured out, you throw a curve ball and fuck it all up."

That wasn't even close to what I thought he would say. I thought he was going to call me a slut again or knock me out or something violent. I guess that showed through on my face because he kept talking.

"You're so fucking gorgeous, I can't get your laugh out of my head. The other night at that party, you and I were just so good," he ranted. "I've never been good at keeping things good, but it was so easy with you."

"You're a liar, you told me that you were just doing that to have sex with me," I argued back with him, trying to hide my surprise. "You can't just say something like that and then give me a confession. You can't make me feel like I'm caving in on myself and then tell me that I have a nice laugh and think that everything is okay between us."

I pulled the trigger on my gun and saw him wince at the pain as the purple exploded along his ribcage. I thought he'd say something snarky or rude, but he didn't do either of those things. He pushed my gun out of the way and pulled my body close to his. One of his hands was on my waist and the other was cupping my face so gently that it threw me for a loop. I had no idea Eric could be gentle…

"You're such a bitch, blaze," he smiled. "I can't believe you lasted as long as you did in Amity."

Before I could argue with him about that, he lowered his mouth down to mine. The rough Eric was back as he took control of the kiss. He traced his tongue along the seam of my lips, sliding it inside when I parted them. It was rough and demanding, but it was all Eric. I was standing on my tip toes to get as close to him as I could, giving in.

He retreated a bit to let me take charge and it made me smile against his mouth. I sucked his bottom lip into my mouth and drug my teeth over it as I let it go. I stood back flat footed and looked up at him in confusion.

"You shot me, you better go get your flag, blaze," he told me in a ragged breath. "It's pretty guarded, but you can get in if you're smart."

I just nodded and turned around to go meet back up with Lauren. She was waiting for me and took my disheveled appearance as I'd fought with someone. I didn't disagree with her, the other answer wasn't something I wanted to share just yet.

"Let's go report and win this thing," she said, running back to the group with me easily keeping up with her.

We reported our findings to the group and decided to split up yet again. I was the smallest and easiest to disguise so I would be doing the sneaking. While we were gone, there was a shooting contest and it was decided that T and Zeke would lead the raid because they were the best at hitting moving targets.

I just agreed and went in with the others. The gunshots weren't as loud as real ones, but it was loud enough to get their attention. I couldn't watch who was getting shot because I had to focus on getting to the flag without getting caught.

"Don't freak out, but I didn't want you to go in by yourself," Fiona whispered, falling into step with me. "You and T are pretty impressive transfers, especially considering your home Factions."

"Wait until we actually win this thing to be too impressed," I whispered to her before I shot one of the kids running at me. "We've got a flag to capture right now."

She shot two more kids and I got three by the time we made it to the end of the pier. She and I looked at each other before reaching out and grabbing it together. We turned around and ran to the other end of the pier with it held as high as we could get it in the air.

Joyous whoops filled the air as our team piled up on top of us. The big group of us ran to our carousel with the flag held as high as Zeke could reach. We'd given it to him because he was the tallest and we wanted everyone to see what we'd done. Plus we were sharing the pride for winning over the other team.

"Hell yes! Way to go!" Teagan shouted, jumping off her horse and pounding the air with her fist.

There was laughter everywhere and I was suddenly hoisted up into the air again. I was on T's shoulders and when I looked over, I saw that Lauren was on Zeke's. She handed the flag over and the two of us held it up into the air again as we made our way back to the train tracks.

"How does it feel to lose for the third year in a row, Lancey?" Teagan taunted as we all met up together. "When are you going to realize I'm better than you in every conceivable way?"

He just scowled at her and pouted like the rest of his team. I found myself looking through the crowd until my eyes landed on a familiar set of blue ones. Eric was looking up at me with a smile on his lips that I knew he would deny later, but it made me feel even warmer inside anyway.

T sat me back down on my feet as we saw the light of the train approaching. I was light on my feet and felt like I could take off and fly at any second. Like I could sprout wings and fly up in the dark clouds.

I was free, I was Dauntless.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading!<strong>


	9. Chapter 9

**I got a super long review from Ruerue123 that kind of got this chapter out faster. I love hearing what you guys think of this story! It's so great to know that you're really enjoying it. **

* * *

><p>There was one more fight before the final ranks were announced. I'd won one of my fights and lost one. That basically meant that I needed to win this fight to get a good ranking, even if my team won last night. I wanted to make sure that I made it to the next stage of initiation.<p>

As soon as T and I walked into the training room together, all eyes flashed up to us. The hair on my arms stood up as an uncomfortable feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. I felt T tense and followed his eyes up to the board of fighting pairs. He and I were fighting each other; that was why all the others were staring at us. They knew how close we were and that this wasn't going to be pretty.

Despite the sinking feeling in my stomach, I held my head high. Every one of them was looking for a reaction, including Lance who hadn't even blinked since the two of us walked in. I wasn't going to give them the satisfaction of getting one, I was going to do this fight and give it my all. I knew that T was going to beat me, he was a better fighter than I was. I also knew this was killing him just as much as it was killing me.

"Today is the final day of stage one," Lance announced, making all the eyes look away from T and me thankfully. "You've been paired with an initiate of equal strength and skill level. I didn't pair you, the people that have come in and watched you train and fight did so it would be fair. It's not just based on your fights, it's also based on your size and the style you use. If you're fast, you're paired against someone who's fast."

That explained a lot. T and I were at the same level of training, we'd both beaten people that were larger than us by speed and agility. Those factors weren't going to help us this time, we were going to have to figure out the other's weakness to win and that made my stomach give a nasty jolt.

Kadence was up against Bailey and I knew she'd win. Bailey hasn't quite grasped the concept that she has to protect both her face and her body, not just one or the other. Kadence didn't have a certain technique, but I knew she could hold her own and more on the mat with Bailey.

After we got back from capture the flag, we all raided the kitchen and ate chocolate cake as Fiona and I recounted what it was like to actually get the flag. T and Zeke told a hilarious story of shooting Leo in the chest and making him scream like a little girl in surprise. I was so happy that I had this experience, these people could make me forget everything bad in my life and replace it with happy memories. I let them fill me up, fizzy and warm, until the bubbled out of my mouth in peals of laughter.

"Damn, that's tough luck, stiff. She's going to kick your ass," Eric said, knocking their shoulders together roughly.

I didn't know what to say to him, but my cheeks heated up quickly at his words. I hated how easily he affected me, it was so frustrating! All he'd done was kiss me yet I was blushing like much more had happened. Well, it was _quite _a kiss, but that's beside the point. I had to focus on fighting T instead of worrying about Eric and our kiss.

The first fight was Eric and Elijah, and that made fear prickle at the base of my spine. I knew it was a pretty even fight, but I was still scared for Eric. I saw Kadence's face and knew she was feeling the same way. She made her way over to T and me, taking my hand in hers as Lance told them to take the mat.

There were no pauses and I knew there would be no conceding, the two of them would fight until one of them couldn't. Eric's fist connected with the bottom of Elijah's chin, making his head fly backwards and Kadence wince. Elijah threw a punch back at Eric that made his teeth clang together and my grip on Kadence's hand tighten.

Elijah didn't wait before clapping both of his hands over Eric's ears, disorienting him. Then he brought his knee up into Eric's ribs twice before he regained his wits about himself and started fighting back. He waited until Elijah brought his leg up to kick him again and grabbed him by the ankle, pulling his feet out from under him.

I heard all the breath rush out of Elijah's lungs quickly before he started gasping. Eric's face was a hard mask and I knew he wasn't himself at that moment. He was fighting for his life and wouldn't stop until he had to. I'd seen that look on his face before, the night that Lance tried to make me stay with him, but I wasn't afraid then. I was now, I didn't want him to hurt Elijah because he didn't deserve it. Lance on the other hand…

I thought the fight was going to be over until Elijah's hand shot out and grabbed Eric's ankle, flattening him out. I gasped before I could stop myself, but I wasn't the only one. Eric's head hit the ground pretty hard and bounced with a sickening thudding noise, but he was still conscious and fighting as hard as he could.

The fight went on for about ten more minutes before Eric aimed a punch at Elijah's temple and knocked him unconscious. That was the same move I'd used to knock him out, he must've been taking notes from me.

"Winner: Eric," Lance announced as Eric and Leo helped a woozy Elijah off of the mat and to the infirmary. "Next match: Kadence and Bailey."

I squeezed her hand before letting go and watching her move up to the mat with Bailey. I hadn't watched either of them fight since the first day when I'd beat Bailey and Maddison had beat Kadence. I really hope Kadence won, but I saw the fire in Bailey's eyes that told me she was going to go down fighting this time.

Kadence struck out first, balancing all her weight on one foot and striking Bailey's cheek with her fist. To say I was surprised would be an understatement, I never knew Kadence had that much strength in her. Bailey seemed as surprised as I was and just blinked her eyes stupidly as Kadence brought her foot up against the girl's ribs, kicking out with her toes pointed to dig in between the ribs painfully.

Bailey grabbed Kadence's leg and twisted it harshly, making the bone crack and Kadence scream shrilly. It took everything in me and T's restraining hand on my arm to stop me from running up to her. I thought she'd tap out, but she kept going with the fight. She pulled Bailey forward with her broken ankle and kneed her in the nose as hard as she could.

I wondered briefly if any of the initiates had ever died during initiation. These fights got brutal, and that was putting it nicely, and some people didn't stop until they were forced to. I would ask Teagan at lunch today, if I made it that far without going unconscious. I knew that if we had to fight, T and I would fight until we couldn't continue. Neither of us would take pity on the other, we respected each other too much for that.

The force of Kadence's knee knocked Bailey out cold, leaving her flat on her back on the floor. Her chest was rising and falling slowly, but she wasn't moving. I expected to see guilt on Kadence's face, but all I saw was pride and a touch of pain.

"Winner, Kadence," Lance announced. "Next fight: T and Rhys."

He and I walked up to the mat together and shook hands, maintaining eye contact the entire time. I knew there was a chance I wouldn't win this fight, T was a really good fighter. I also knew that I was a really good fighter when I turned off my emotions, I just had to go into autopilot and fight him like he wasn't my best friend.

I waited for him to make the first move and launched myself, but I didn't expect him to fake it. He took advantage of me launching out and sent a swift kick to my chest. Lucky for me, I'd just taken a breath or I'd be gasping with the force of it. I righted myself and tried to remember the way he'd moved when he'd fought Eric.

He always kept his body moving, even if he'd been hit. What I needed to do was make it impossible for him to keep lashing out at me. I couldn't figure out how to do that just yet, I just dodged all of his moves. Maybe if I tired him out, it would be easier to find a weak spot. When people were tired, they got sloppy.

"Stop playing around, red. Make a move!" Lance shouted, knocking me out of my concentration.

T wasn't expecting that and ended up slamming his foot into my ribcage really hard. I couldn't help the cry that left my mouth as blood filled it up. I'd chomped down on my tongue when he'd hit me. I spat it on the floor before gathering my strength in the pit of my stomach. If he wanted to play all in, I was going to play all in.

I brought my foot up as high as I could get it and kicked him in the side of the head. I missed and he grabbed it, pulling until I fell to the mat. I didn't pause, I grabbed his foot and knocked him to the ground with me. The ache in my ribs was gone when I connected my fist with his face.

We fought on the floor for a little while longer, him regaining his place on top of me and getting a few good blows in before we stood back up. I spat another mouthful of blood out before I brought my foot up and connected it with his temple. His eyes roll back in his head as he hit the mat again except he didn't get up this time. I wanted to help him get up, but I was doing well to stay on my own two feet with the throbbing in my ribcage coming back tenfold.

"Winner, Rhys," Lance announced. "Next fight: Frankie and James."

I spat yet another mouthful of blood onto the floor as I struggled to make it to a bench before I collapsed. My ribs were on fire and black dots were ghosting around my line of vision, telling me that I was about to pass out. Eric came up next to me as my mouth filled up with more blood that I spat out near his feet.

"That's too much blood," he whispered. "You need to get checked out, blaze."

If I wasn't in as much pain as I was, I would've fought him on that. I just let him lift me into his arms and even whimpered when the movement jostled my aching ribs. He held me gently but securely as he made his way to the infirmary quickly.

"Is that another one from initiation? That's the third one in thirty minutes," a woman's disembodied voice said, but I was too woozy to open my eyes and see what her face looked like. "That's too much blood to be a surface wound. She's got to have internal bleeding, I'm going to need to see inside of her."

Before I could ask any questions, I felt a sharp prick on my arm as ice flooded my veins and everything went black.

* * *

><p>I felt a prickly feeling in my side that kept me from inhaling too deeply without a sharp twist of pain. I held in all the noises that I wanted to let out and forced my eyes open, no matter how hard my body rejected the idea of it.<p>

It took a second for my eyes to become acclimated to the darkness. I only heard one other person breathing in the room which told me I wasn't in the dormitory. I tried to sit up, but any sort of movement sent prickles of pain through me and made me whimper pathetically.

"Hey, I'm up," Eric's voice was groggy as he woke up slowly. "I wasn't sleeping, I was completely conscious the entire time I sat here, I swear."

I raised my eyebrows at him only to realize a couple seconds later that he couldn't see it. I actually laughed out loud at that and felt him take my hand in his. He ran his calloused thumb over my knuckles soothingly as his breathing slowed.

"How are you feeling?" he asked in a voice rough with sleep, it actually sounded really good…

"Where am I? What happened?" I asked, trying to sit up again only for him to push me back down by my shoulders.

"You've got four broken ribs, they're being mended right now. They nicked the lining of some organ and had you bleeding internally," he explained, continuing to rub my knuckles soothingly as he spoke. "They stitched up all the tearing and gave you a bone-mending serum. You should be all good by tomorrow –today I guess."

"Is that why there was so much blood earlier?" I asked him.

"Yeah, but you're going to be good now," he told me, scooting his chair closer to my bed and brushing my hair out of my face. "You scared the hell out of me, blaze."

"What are you talking about? I just got kicked in the ribs," I forced out, trying to ignore the sparks that his touch was sending up my arm.

"I'm going to turn this light on," he warned me before flipping on the switch and making a light next to my bed turn on. "You just kept bleeding and Madge freaked out about all the blood."

I had a lot of questions about what had happened, but I wanted to take a self-evaluation first. I had all my fingers and all my toes felt like they were still in place. I could move my legs and my arms so they weren't broken. I felt my face and every piece was still in place and my nose was straight so it wasn't broken again.

Without thinking I raised my tank top up to look at my ribs. They were covered in multicolored bruises and I had a line of stitches a couple inches away from the ribcage. I ran my fingers over them gingerly, they felt rough against my fingertips. I'd never gotten stitches before and they felt odd, but they didn't really hurt. I couldn't help but think that they made me look very Dauntless and it made me smile.

"Madge said they should dissolve in a few hours and your ribs should be healed by then, too. I already asked because I knew you'd want to know as soon as you woke up," Eric said quietly.

"Why did you kiss me?" I asked, looking everywhere but his eyes.

His movements stilled as he took a quick breath. "Oh yeah, that did happen, didn't it? Wow, I kind of hoped that you'd forgot about that."

"That didn't answer my question, asshole. Why did you kiss me after you told me that you hated me?" I asked him, my temper rising as I tore my hand out of his grip.

"I don't hate you, not even in the slightest. I hate that you're better than me at everything we ever do without trying. I hate that you're so gorgeous that it distracts me. I hate that you'd chose the stiff over me every single time," he said, jumping out of his chair and pacing with his hands behind his back. "I hate that I can't put how I feel for you into words that aren't negative.

"I did nothing for sixteen years other than read and learn things. I should know how to handle this situation. I'm intelligent, but you make me feel like I'm an idiot," he kept ranting as he paced. "I want to be the one that you run to when something bad happens, the one you run to when you're so excited that you're in autopilot and just going where your feet take you. I know that's always going to be the stiff and I can't change that."

He was laying himself bare in front of me, putting all his cards on the table. I didn't know how to respond to that, he wasn't the kind of guy to do this without ulterior motives and I wasn't the girl to just believe him. People were never who they wanted you to think that they were, I'd learned that the hard way.

"I don't know why you hate my relationship with T so much. He's my best friend and that's it," I said, figuring I'd start with that and work through everything else. "He's a good person, I don't get why you hate him so much."

"He's the reason you're in that bed and you're defending him! This is ridiculous!" he shouted, making me flinch. "I stayed with you to make sure you were okay and he's still the one that gets you!"

"I'm not a fucking trophy! No one 'gets' me," I shouted back at him. "I like you, Eric, I really do. You scare me a lot, I'm not going to lie. You're a loose cannon and you give no warning before you go off. T has done nothing but be nice to me and try and help me since we got here. You even told me that you just wanted me for sex!"

"He hurt you so badly that you needed emergency surgery and you're STILL defending him!" he replied. "You're so pathetic! It's like those girls who defend their abusive boyfriends."

That hit a little close to home and I could tell he saw it on my face. "You're not going to fight with me about it? Did you have a boyfriend back in Amity that like to rough you up? What'd he do? Hit you with rotten apples? Play the wrong notes on a banjo and hurt your ears?"

I was never one of those girls that cried whenever she was angry, but I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't keep them in, they poured down my cheeks in waves. I wanted to be mad that I wasn't strong enough to keep them in. I wanted to be mad that I wasn't strong enough to keep myself from falling apart. Maybe being strong wasn't staying put together all the time, maybe it was falling apart...

"I was raped by the boy I attacked that day at the gates," I told him, not even trying to sound strong when I spoke. "That's why I don't want you to get close to me, I don't want anyone to get close to me because I know they can hurt you beyond repair."

That made him stop pacing, he wasn't moving or breathing from what I could tell. I ignored ache in my body as I forced myself up so I could touch his arm. He looked down at my hand before taking it into his and placing a kiss on the inside of my palm.

It was such a gentle action, something so unlike Eric that it burned me. I felt like he'd branded me with a hot iron against my skin. I couldn't break his intense gaze as he sat down beside my hips on the bed, his brushing against mine with only the thin cover and our pants between us. Everything between us felt hushed and intimate in a way that scared me and thrilled me at the same time.

"I am so sorry," he breathed out, his eyes glassy. Then he reached up and held my face in his feather-light grip. "I am so, so, so sorry, Rhys."

"Marhysa," I told him in the same tone. "Call me Marhysa."

"Marhysa," he whispered my name like a prayer as he pressed his forehead against mine. "I'm so sorry, Marhysa."

I shifted my head and pressed my lips against his this time. I pushed all the fear and all the weakness down. All that I felt in this moment was the heat gathering between Eric and me, the way his lips ghosted against mine. It was almost like he was afraid I'd break if he kissed me too harshly.

I thought I'd be upset that he was treating me like I was breakable, but I wasn't. I would never admit it in the light of day, but I liked it when Eric treated me like I was fragile. I'd never wanted to be fragile before, I'd always detested it. Yet with his hands holding me like I was fine china in the dim, honey-colored light of the infirmary, I felt like it was where I was supposed to be.

When he pulled away, he stayed close to me. "I told you that because I felt so gutted when you said it was a mistake that we'd danced together that night."

"I know that, T told me that you just said that because you were hurting," I told him, running my fingers over the side of his hair. "When did you get a haircut?"

He laughed and ran a hand over it. "A couple days ago, blaze. You're not too observant, are you?"

And just like that, he and I were back to our normal bantering selves. I liked that it could be that way for us. I'd just told him a secret that could've ruined our… whatever we had, but it didn't. I had a feeling it just increased it.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading, as always!<strong>


	10. Chapter 10

**This chapter is important! It's also not the last chapter, there is still a lot to come!**

**Things written in italics are flashbacks, if I didn't already state that. **

* * *

><p>It was a cruel twist of fate that the first time my mother saw me since I switched Factions was with a busted lip, black eye, and bruised ribs. Granted, she wouldn't see my ribs, but there wasn't much that could be done about my lip or eye. I wasn't going to cover them up, I was going to wear them proudly because I'd won.<p>

I knew my mother wouldn't see them as battle wounds or a victory, she'd see them as unnecessary violence. I knew covering them with makeup would be the respectable thing to do, I just couldn't make myself do it. T's face looked about as bad as mine did and it made me smile.

I'd been released from the hospital this morning, about thirty minutes after Eric finally left for the night. He and I had a very in-depth conversation about our pasts in our old Factions, mostly me talking about Wyatt. He was surprisingly calm about the whole thing, rubbing his hands up my arm as I spoke and pressing kisses against my hand when I stumbled over my words. I don't quite know what changed between us last night, but I know a lot did until I messed things up.

"So, what are you doing today?" I asked T as we walked down to the dining hall to meet up with Kadence for breakfast.

"I think I'm going to go hit the punching bag a little bit or throw knives or something," he said, his voice a million miles away.

I was still the only one in our initiate class that knew about his dad and what he'd done to him. I kept tight-lipped about it, knowing that it was something he was very ashamed of. I wanted to tell him he didn't have to be ashamed of what happened to him, much like Eric had told me last night, but I knew he would react just like I did.

"_It's not your fault, blaze," Eric whispered to me as he ran his fingers through my hair. _

_Despite the intense shooting pain I felt when I moved, I forced him to get into the bed with me and hold me. I hadn't let anyone touch me like this in so long, I hungered for the closeness of it. The way it felt when someone else's heartbeat touched your skin and their breath ghosted against your ear. _

"_I know that, I'm just not ready to tell people about it just yet," I replied, playing with his fingers instead of looking at him. "You and T are the only people that know other than me and whoever Wyatt bragged to about it."_

_I felt his body go rigid for a second before he relaxed back against me. "You don't have to be ashamed of it, you're a stronger person because of it."_

"_Excuse me?" I asked, turning my body to face him. "What makes you think I'm ashamed of what happened to me? What makes you think I wasn't strong before it happened? What makes you think he had anything to do with the strength I have or the kind of person I am?"_

"_Hey, that wasn't what I meant," he said, rubbing my arms and trying to get me to calm down, but I'd been calm for too long. "Please don't shut me out again, Marhysa."_

_The way he said my name was the final straw. I ignored the pain and put as much distance as I could between our bodies. "This was a mistake, I shouldn't have told you about this. Just leave me alone, okay?"_

Needless to say, he was pissed when he stalked his way out of the infirmary that morning. I wasn't lying when I said that l liked Eric, I really did. He just got under my skin and drove me absolutely insane. I also hated that every inch of me smelled like him that morning when I walked back to the dormitory.

I showered it all off, but I couldn't shake the feel of his hands on my skin. It wasn't unpleasant, I just didn't want to like it as much as I did. I didn't ever want to like someone as much as I liked Eric, liking people gave them a hold over you. Telling Eric about what happened to me gave him a hold over me, it gave him a weakness to exploit.

"Rhys? Are you okay? You zoned out," T said, snapping his fingers in front of my face. "Do you want to eat with us or just stand there?"

I hadn't realized we were in the dining hall already, I was too lost in my thoughts. I felt my cheeks turning red as I forced myself down onto the bench between Zeke and T. Zeke hit my shoulder with his and smiled at me before tucking back into his food. I tried to smile back at him, but last night was too vivid in my mind for it to be very believable.

"Are you excited to see your family today, T?" Kadence asked from her spot beside Elijah.

I thought he would freeze or freak out under her gaze, but he didn't even hesitate. "My dad wasn't exactly thrilled that I changed Factions so I doubt he'll be here today."

"You can always tag along with me and my mom if you want," I told him before reaching over him to grab some eggs. "In Amity they accept everyone's kids as their own."

"You're already meeting the parents, stiff? That's fast," Eric said as he took the empty seat beside Elijah.

"Oh fuck off, you're just jealous it's not you meeting them," Zeke joked. "Amity's a prize for anyone to call theirs."

"I'm not a trophy, asshole," I told him, punching him as hard as I could in the shoulder and causing him to drop his fork to the floor. "No one's going to call me theirs, I belong to myself and myself alone."

Zeke held up his hands in surrender before going back to his food. I started eating my food too, ignoring Eric's heated gaze on me. I finished eating and went back to the dormitory to take a pain pill before my mom came. The last thing I needed was for her to see me wincing when I moved, the bruising would be bad enough.

"What's the deal with you and Eric?" Kadence asked, making me jump in surprise. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, Rhys."

"Can you keep a secret?" I asked her, sitting down on my bed and patting a spot for her. "Like, this has to be a total secret just between the two of us. No one else can know about it."

Maybe I was being dramatic, but I knew she loved it. The more I hyped it up, the more special she felt when I told her. I mean, it's not like this is something that I would share with T. He wouldn't care about my love life, especially if it involved Eric.

"Yes! I swear I can keep a secret," she told me, bouncing in excitement as she waited for me to spill my guts to her. "You're driving me crazy!"

"I'm sure you saw the two of us dancing at that party we went to. Well, at the end of the night I told him that it was a mistake, we shouldn't have done anything because we were both initiates," I told her. "He told me that the only thing he wanted from me was sex. That's why he danced with me the whole night, why he was so close to me."

"He's such a dick! That's so not cool!" Kadence exclaimed, a look of disgust on her face. "I'm sure that's not the end of the story, especially considering how he watched you this morning at breakfast."

I let that go and kept going with the story. "The night of capture the flag, he told me he only said that because I said it was a mistake and he kissed me. I mean, I kissed him back, but that's beside the point."

"So you made out with Eric the night of capture the flag?!" she asked in surprise. "That's how you found the flag, wasn't it?"

"No! I saw it before that, he just happened to tell me how it was guarded," I told her, biting my lip in embarrassment. "Then I had to fight him the next day and hurt his pride because I beat him. It all came to a head last night after I woke up in the infirmary. Eric was sitting there with me, holding my hand."

"Eric was there with you?!" she exclaimed, her eyebrows reaching her hairline. "That wasn't something I expected to hear at all! Okay, keep going, I want to know it all!"

I kept out the rape details, but figured I would tell her the rest. "He and I made out again last night and sat around together talking about our pasts and stuff. Then I realized it was stupid to let him get close to me, one of us could be cut today or at any of the other stages."

"You keep letting him get close to you, only for you to push him away. That's not very fair," she told me, it was moments like this that I was grateful for her Candor upbringing. "I feel like there's something you're not telling me, but I'm not going to pry. It just sounds like you're afraid to let Eric get close because you can see a future with him."

I didn't want to admit that she hit the nail on the head. I was scared to let him get too close to me. I knew he wouldn't like what he saw, that's why I told him about the rape. I figured if he knew, he wouldn't want to be with me. I had a lot of baggage and I knew that usually made guys run away as fast as they could. How lucky was I to find the _one _guy that didn't run?

"The parents are starting to file in," T said, walking into the dormitory with us. "I saw a couple in Candor white. The woman was blonde…"

Kadence's eyes got big and she ran out of the room without looking back. I smiled at T, thankful that he got her to leave. I did genuinely want her view on what was happening, I just didn't think it would be that view. She didn't like Eric, I could see that with the way she looked at him. Yet she was telling me that he liked me without disgust on her face…

"I'm so confused about everything and everyone involved in my life!" I exclaimed, flopping backwards on the bed with my hands over my face.

"Stop being dramatic and go meet your mother," he told me, leaning against the beam of my bed. "I'm sure she can shed some light on this complicated topic. Maybe you can even tell her about some of the things from your past."

"I'm not going to hamper my mother down with the horror stories of my past. I can handle them on my own," I told him, sitting up and smoothing down my shirt. "I love you, T, but that's none of your business."

He held up his hands and nodded his head. "Okay, I get it. I just want you to do whatever you think is best for your situation."

I stood up and wrapped my arms around his torso tightly. He slowly wrapped his around my shoulders and held me just as tightly. We rocked back and forth before I let go and made my way down to the Pit.

My mother's red, billowy skirt and bright yellow top stood out among all the dark clothes. I ran at her full speed and wrapped her up in my arms, ignoring the twinge of pain in my ribs. She turned around and held me close, pressing kisses along the line of my hair.

"That's good, just ignore your father," I heard my dad say from behind us.

I hadn't expected my dad to come with my mom. He seemed beyond upset with me for leaving our Faction, or at least that's what I thought when I'd seen his face the day of the Choosing Ceremony. Yet here he was, looking around the room anxiously with his hands deep in his pockets.

"Hi, daddy," I said, wrapping my arms around him next but not as long. "I've missed you guys."

"Your face! It's all bruised up," my mom said, gripping my chin in her hand and tilting it so she could see the damage. "Marhysa, what are they doing to you?"

"This is my life, mom. I'm not going to lie to you, I got these fighting with another initiate," I told her, pulling out of her grip. "My face looks better this time than it did the last round. Eric's fists did a number on me, T tried to leave it looking beautiful."

"This happened to you willingly, Marhysa? You willingly let boys beat you up?" she asked in horror. "This Faction is monstrous!"

She thought I was too weak to win the fights. She still thought I was the little girl that left Amity so long ago, that I wasn't strong enough to win anything. That made me smile, I was so proud to be strong and resilient. I'd outgrown Amity, I fit in better with the Dauntless than I did with my own family.

"No, mom, I beat both of them in these fights. Me, the tiny redhead, beat boys twice my size," I told her, refusing to be quiet and meager for their sake. "That's what happens in Dauntless, we fight other initiates to make sure we're the stronger ones. I thought it was bad at first too, but I get it now. I want to help you understand it, but you've got to be willing to listen to me."

"Fighting is never justified, Marhysa. I raised you better than that," she hissed, her eyes turning glassy. "How can you think that it's okay to hurt other people? That is _not_ how I raised you, young lady."

I realized that she was never going to understand. She was brainwashed by Amity to think that everyone was good and there was never any need for fighting. I had the fleeting thought in the back of my mind to tell them about the rape, but I knew that was selfish. I would never see them again after today, they didn't need to know that there was evil among them.

"I love you guys. Thank you for coming to see me," I said, forcing myself to smile happily at the pair of them. "Be safe on your way back to Amity."

I hugged them briefly before turning on my heels and walking back to the dormitory. Instead of feeling sad for the loss of my parents, I felt angry at them for not excepting me and my change. I wanted to hit something and I wanted to bad.

I kicked off my boots and cargo pants, replacing them with tight shorts. I went barefoot to the training room, twisting my hair up onto my head and securing it in place. I wanted to hit a punching bag until my knuckles were busted and bleeding.

I saw T hitting a bag and took the one on his side. He and I moved together, the only sound in the room was the slap of our skin on the bags and our harsh breathing. It was almost beautiful, if we weren't doing it with ulterior motives.

"So I'm guessing that the meeting with your parents didn't go well," he said between hits.

"They couldn't justify me hurting someone and letting them hurt me," I explained. "My mom saw the bruised eye and busted lip and made up her mind. Dauntless is bad, Amity is good."

"I'm sorry it wasn't what you wanted it to be," he apologized. "Are you wishing that punching bag was me or Eric?"

That actually made me stop punching and start laughing. "I wouldn't mind it being either, to be honest. Want to give me something better to hit, Abnegation?"

He shrugged his shoulders and smirked at me. "Let's leave it on the mat, Amity."

"I think we already did that, I've got the scars to prove it," I told him, walking over to the mat and stretching out my arms. "I would show you the stitches, but they've already dissolved. I'm also pretty sure you'd be permanently embarrassed if I showed you that much skin."

"I never got to apologize for that, Rhys. I wasn't expecting you to stop moving around, I thought it would hit you and jar you into fighting. I didn't mean to cause as much damage as I did," he told me, his eyes relaying his sincerity.

"Shut up and let me kick your ass again," I told him. "Then we'll kiss it and make up."

We didn't fight for real, we just sparred and dodged mostly. We kept going until we worked up a sweat and soreness in our muscles. My ribs had a pulsating pain and I knew my pain killers were fading.

"It should be about time for ranks to be announced," he said from his spot sprawled on the floor beside me. "And, no offence, but you sort of stink. You should take a shower before we go down around other people."

"You don't exactly smell like daises and sunshine, dick," I laughed, getting up and offering him my hand. "Let's head out, I do smell pretty rough."

I showered and smelled heavenly by the time I went back into the dormitory. T was pulling a t-shirt on and I saw a flash of puckered skin. It took me a second to place why they looked so familiar: they were scars. I bet they were from his father, the thought made my blood run a little hotter in my veins. It was probably a good thing his father didn't show his face today, I couldn't promise it would've been pretty.

"Hey, do you want to head down with me?" I asked as I towel-dried my hair. "We both smell better and are fit for public viewing."

* * *

><p>I had no idea how, but I was ranked first. I was ranked above Frankie, Leo, T, and all of the Dauntless-born initiates. That was the craziest thing that had ever happened to me and I couldn't wipe the smile off of my face.<p>

"Way to go, Amity!" Teagan exclaimed, cuffing me on the shoulder a little too roughly. "Do you want a drink?"

I could tell by her actions and the smell that it was alcohol. I'd tried sips of it back in Amity and had no interest in it. All it did was burn and leave a bad taste in my mouth. I just shook my head and she walked away.

"That was a smooth move, she drinks like a big man," Zeke said, tossing an arm around my shoulders. "You'd better watch your back, Amity, you're number one. That means people are going to be going out for blood."

I saw a couple of Dauntless-born initiates watching my and Zeke's interaction a little too intensely. It didn't dull the feeling of being number one, it just made it sweeter. I was better than all of them at something and that was a win for me.

"Way to go!" Fiona said, coming up to stand with Zeke and me. "I'm impressed, Amity."

It turned out that the four people who got cut were all transfers. Ben, Mariah, James, and Bailey were now Factionless. I didn't say goodbye to them, I just took one of the drinks that Teagan offered me and ignored the burn.

I'd drank half of one when I saw Eric for the first time since breakfast. He had his own drink in his hand, but he didn't look as _effected_ by it as I did. I wasn't drunk, but I was tipsy. I had the sudden urge to go talk to him about the conversation Kadence and I had earlier today. He was off away from the hoard of people with a couple of other initiates by one of the tunnels so I started making my way over there.

"Congrats, red," Lance said, stopping me by wrapping his arm around my middle. "I knew you had some fight in you."

"Yeah, I'm a badass now let me go," I said, struggling to get his arm off of me. "I've got people to see and things to do that don't include you."

His grip on my hip tightened as he lifted me off of my feet. I dropped my cup onto the floor when he started walking with me towards the tunnel. Fear coursed through me as I tried in vain to get out of his too-tight hands.

"Let me go! I don't want to go anywhere with you!" I shouted, hitting his back with my hands and bringing my knees up as hard as I could, but they just hit air.

The alcohol was bogging me down, I couldn't move as precisely as I wanted to. It didn't, however, numb the pain of my back digging into the hard rock walls of the tunnel when Lance pinned me against it. I screamed and brought my knees up only for him to part my legs and hold them still with his.

"I know you've wanted this since the first day we met, red. I saw it in your eyes," he rasped out into my ear as he yanked the button of my pants open and pushed the zipper down. "Now I'm going to give it to you."

"Like hell you are," Eric's voice said from behind him, his hand landing on Lance's shoulder and yanking him off of me. "How many times do I have to tell you to not put your hands on her before it sinks in?"

I thought I would be shaky and terrified when he let me go, but I wasn't. I was suddenly-sober and pissed beyond belief. I wasn't a fragile flower and I was going to kick his ass. I pushed Eric out of the way before I punched Lance straight in the face.

When he went down, I kicked him in the ribs until Eric's arms wrapped around me and pulled me back. "Stop, he's down. You're better than kicking a man when he's down."

I tore out of his grip and ran a hand through my hair. "I thought that if I learned to fight I could protect myself if this were to happen again. But if you hadn't come out here, he would've raped me."

"No, you would've figured out how to get away," he reassured me. "You're ranked number one, after all."

I froze and crossed my arms over my chest. "Thanks, but I think I'm going to go back to the party."

"You don't have to have these walls up between us, Rhys. I want to be with you and keep you safe," he pleaded with me. "I just want to make you happy."

I couldn't speak so I just busied myself with re-buttoning and zipping my pants back up. I hadn't even realized that we'd had that conversation with my panties in clear view. That made my cheeks heat up.

"What's going to happen when you realize that I'm damaged beyond repair, Eric? I'm not this strong girl with an attitude because it's what I want. I'm like this because I'm scared to let anyone get close to me," I told him, sinking down to the ground away from Lance's unconscious body. "I've got so much baggage, it's not worth loving me."

"Whoa, blaze, who said I loved you?" he asked, sitting down beside me on the ground. When he saw I wasn't in the mood for joking, he sobered up, "Pushing me away isn't going to make me stop caring about you, Rhys."

"Why? I've pushed you away with both hands, but you keep coming back," I cried, looking forward instead of at him. "Don't you get tired of it?"

"Do you want to know what I'm tired of?" he asked, turning his body to face me completely. "I'm tired of your beating yourself up over something that you had no control over. I'm tired of you thinking that you're less than amazing. And I'm more than tired of you thinking that you know what's best for me."

"That's what I do, Eric. I push away the people that I'm scared I'll care about," I told him like I was telling him what was for lunch. "I really, really care about you even if I wish I didn't. What are we supposed to do if one of us don't become Dauntless?"

"Are you serious? You're ranked number one right now," he smiled, taking both of my hands in his and rubbing his thumbs over my knuckles again. "I know like hell I'm going to make it, there's no other choice."

"Are you sure you're not going to quit liking me when it's not easy?" I asked him, still avoiding his eyes. "I swear it's not going to be easy, like, ever."

I looked back at him in time to see his lips pull up into a full smile. "Yeah, I can promise you that. I can handle hard."

I couldn't bring myself to kiss him just yet and he seemed to get that. He stood up and pulled me to my feet, too. We just left Lance there and went back to the party. I didn't get anything alcoholic this time, I just danced. I worked my way through all of the initiates, dancing and laughing with all of them, but I always made my way back into Eric's arms.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you so much for reading!<strong>


	11. Chapter 11

**This chapter is so late and so short! I'm sorry, I've started my second semester of college and I don't have a lot of free time to write, but I'm trying my best. Please don't give up on me!**

**This is a filler, but I loved the zip line scene so much! I wanted to include Rhys in it, but I tried to make it different than Tris' experience. **

**I have a link to Lisle and Zeke on my profile if you want to see what they look like. **

* * *

><p>It was weird to be on a break after spending so much time doing things nonstop. I made it a point to go to the training room and drag T or Eric with me so I could stay on top of my game. Kadence said she would rather jab her eyes out than fight me, whatever that meant.<p>

I was in the dormitory putting the new shirt I'd bought under my bed when someone's hand landed on my shoulder. I didn't think twice about grabbing it at the wrist and wrenching it painfully behind the person's back, rendering it impossible for them to move.

"Damn, Amity!" Zeke exclaimed when I tightened my grip on him. "I know I scared you, but there's no need to shred my rotator cuff!"

"You should know better than to sneak up on someone who's ranked number one, stupid," I smiled, loosening my grip enough that he could pry his wrist free. "What's up?"

"There's this initiation ritual that the Dauntless-born initiates do and a couple of us wanted to bring you along," he said with a smile. "Grab a jacket and follow me, Amity."

Before I came here, I would never have gone to a mystery location with people I just met. Yet I didn't think twice about grabbing my jacket and running with Zeke to catch up to the group dressed in black.

I was free here, I didn't have to worry.

"Amity! I told you she'd come," Fiona said, elbowing a tall blonde boy in the side. "This is Lisle and he's convinced that you're a fraud."

"Sorry, I can't hear you over my number one rank," I told him snarkily.

More than a few of the other initiates laughed as we all ran together. I felt pride course through me, that was such a Dauntless response. I made sure to hit his shoulder with mine so he knew I was kidding and he jabbed me in the side in response, his smile bright and happy despite my accusation.

We stopped in front of a big group of actual Dauntless members. They didn't say anything, they just started running and we followed behind. We ran up a set of stairs that didn't hamper me, but I heard a couple of people stumble. A big door was pushed open and sunlight streamed into the stairwell as we all filed out quickly.

We came out a couple of feet from the pit and the train tracks. I knew that we'd have to jump onto one so I kept my pace. The train surged past me and I watched a few of the older initiates jump on before grabbing the rail and hauling myself inside. I landed on my feet but quickly sat down with my back against the train wall. Lisle sat on one of my sides and Zeke on the other while Fiona and Marlene sat in front of us.

"Confession time," Fiona said suddenly. "None of us actually know where we're going right now. We all just thought you should tag along because of your rank. You earned it, Amity."

Warmth spread from my stomach to the tips of my fingers and toes, filling me up. I fit in here in a way that I'd never fit in in Amity. They included me in things because I had their respect, something I didn't even know I could earn.

"That's reassuring," I finally said to her. "Thanks for the invite, I guess."

"We're here because we have friends that are already Dauntless. This is something that people get invited to if they have an older brother or sister, but there are a few exceptions," Zeke explained. "Like me and you, Amity."

Suddenly, all the older Dauntless stood up and we followed their lead. The train was going a lot faster than any other time I'd jumped, but I had got to be brave and go for it. The others jumped and I took a deep breath before following.

The force jarred my entire body and I thought I'd spit out my teeth, but they stayed in place. My jaw ached a little, but I'd stayed on my feet and looked like I deserved to be here. I followed the crowd of black as we made our way in front of the Hub.

I followed everyone else for a while before I figured out where we were going. The Hancock building was a tall black pillar, the tallest building north of the abandoned bridge with crossing black garters. There wasn't much to do there unless we were going to climb it or something…

We got pretty close to the building when the ones in front started to run again. Everyone pushed each other as we all tried to make it through the one open door, our feet crunching on broken glass as we entered the dark halls.

The Dauntless got onto one of the elevators while we initiates got into the other. There was a brief talk about what floor to go to, but I didn't listen. I just push my way over to the buttons and hit the 100. I couldn't believe they had to question which floor we were going to…

"Don't over step your boundaries, Amity," a girl with shaggy blue hair and an eyebrow weighed down with golden hoops said.

"Don't be pissed that I'm smarter than you," I sing-songed back to her, smirking at her pissed off face.

I heard a couple of people snicker and Zeke clapped me on the back. I flashed a smile at the girl so she knew I was kind of kidding, but not completely. I wasn't Amity anymore, I was Dauntless, I didn't care if people didn't like me.

The doors opened and wind whipped inside the elevator with us. We were on the roof and the older Dauntless were already waiting for us with their arms crossed over their chests. I waited for them to reprimand us for being late, but their lips were pulled up into various forms of smiles. I guess I was too used to our trainers…

I looked around and saw the sun setting along the tree line. It was actually really beautiful, I'd never appreciated them before I came here. I forced myself to look away and saw a thick black rope stretching down from the side of the building into the city below. There were a couple black harnesses piled on the rooftop, attached to the rope.

One of the older Dauntless rushed forward and slid herself into the harness, waiting for someone else to secure her inside. A guy with a green mohawk stepped forward and placed the straps around her before pulling her back and letting go. I watched as her body disappeared into the city, leaving an excited whoop in her place.

Everyone rushed to form a line, pushing and jostling each other playfully to get closer to the front. I was about five people back with Zeke close behind me and Lisle standing in front of me. I hadn't realized how tall he was until I was so close to his back.

"How tall are you?" I asked, tapping him on the shoulder and making him turn around.

"6'3," he smiled, making me want to punch him. "We can't all be baby-sized, Amity."

I shoved him harshly and made him hit the older Dauntless member in front of him. The guy turned around and glared at him, disgruntle at being hit. I had to bite my lip to stifle my giggles, it was so funny!

"You're going to get me beat up or tossed off the building," he told me after the guy turned around and another shout echoed around us. "Without a harness."

"That's my goal, stretch," I smiled. "One less person standing in the way of me becoming Dauntless. It's nothing personal."

"Trust me, you're the one to beat. You're a dark house, baby," he told me, grinning at his nickname like he thought it was clever.

I just rolled my eyes as he got strapped into the harness. He went in backwards, making sure to flash me a killer smile before he was released. The look of joy and surprise on his face made me start laughing before I could stop myself.

Then it was my turn to go down the zip line. I got into it on my stomach with my face forward and my arms outstretched. I was going to be flying free like a bird for the first time, literally. I couldn't wait until the guy threw me forward.

He had me held back and suddenly let go, making me whoosh along the line. A jubilant scream ripped its way out of my mouth only to be snatched backward by the wind whipping around me. I could see the entire city flying around me as my hair whipped in the air. It hit my skin and stung a bit, but it was worth it. The feeling was indescribable, but I knew I'd never forget it in a million years.

The lights were so pretty and the stars were barely visible. I wanted to stay like this forever, feeling this free and this happy for the rest of my life. I looked down at the ground and saw a group of ant-like people gathered together. I realized that it must've been the others that had gone down before me.

I let out a loud shout of joy and saw them pump their fists into the air. I couldn't hear their sounds beyond the whistling wind, but I knew that they were shouting for me. They were happy that the Amity Transfer was feeling Dauntless.

I started to slow down as the zip line went straight. Eventually I stopped at twenty feet above the ground which meant one thing: I was going to have to drop. I saw the people below me lace their arms together in a kind of net so they could catch me.

I forced my arms back in and tried to still my adrenaline-shaking hands enough undo the straps keeping me in place. I finally pulled open the last one and dropped down into the human net. I felt bracelets and watches digging into my skin along with arms and wrist bones.

Lisle wrapped his arms around my waist and sat me on my feet, holding onto me until I was balanced. Everyone was watching me as a smile split my face open and I started to laugh. I had survived that and wanted to go a billion more times!

"That was so amazing!" I announced, making everyone shout and whoop in agreement. "Oh my god! I want to go again!"

I heard Zeke's crow of happiness as he coursed down the zip line. As he got closer, I moved with the others to make the net of arms. Lisle grabs my elbow and I latched my hands onto someone else's arms. We're all connected and part of something that's foreign to me, but I'm anxious to feel it again, even though it wasn't over.

By the time we were done and back at the compound, it was time for dinner. I could still feel the sting of the wind on my face as we made our way into the Pit. I had secured my hair on top of my head in a messy bun, there were too many knots for it to be neat. Dauntless didn't do neat and I loved it.

Lisle had his arm around my shoulders and Marlene was on Zeke's back as we made our entrance. All the transfer initiates look up as we enter, way louder than we should've been, but our exuberance too strong to care.

I saw Kadence, T, and Eric all watching me closely. I felt guilt sink in my stomach like a stone in water. I hadn't even thought about them when Zeke invited me, much less about bringing them along. I was too concerned with my own happiness to even think about them. Even with the guilt, I couldn't wipe the smile from my face.

"I'm going to go sit with my other friends. I'll see you all later," I told Lisle, Zeke, and Marlene.

"Later, baby," Lisle said, winking at me.

"See ya, Amity," Zeke said, punching my shoulder but keeping his hold on Marlene.

I saluted the two of them and returned Marlene's nod before I went over to my usual table. I sat down by Eric and tried to ignore all of their eyes on me. I'm sure my cheeks were still wind-burned and my hair looked wrecked.

"Where were you?" Kadence asked, Elijah turning to listen. "Your face is red and your hair's a mess."

"I was just hanging out with Lisle and Zeke," I said, trying to shrug them off as I loaded my plate with food. "It wasn't anything big."

"You're lying," T accused, his intense eyes daring me to lie again.

"Zeke dragged me along with them to this tradition thing," I told them finally. Then added, "None of them really wanted me to go along, it was a Dauntless-born thing."

"They all seem to be a big fan of you now," Elijah said, gesturing over to where they were sitting and I saw that they were smiling over at me.

"Yeah, I guess so," I said, sinking my teeth into my burger so I don't have to say anything else.

"Well, you missed Kadence bust Maddison's nose," T said, trying to change the subject and make me feel better. Damn Abnegation.

"Oh really?" I asked, looking over at her curiously. "I want to know the story behind that obviously."

I could tell that Kadence's feelings were still hurt that she didn't get invited, but she launched into her story anyway. While she was talking, I glanced over at Eric. He was glaring at his half eaten burger and picking apart his napkin viciously.

I placed my hand on his knee under the table and gave it a reassuring squeeze. I expected him to pull his leg out from under my hand, but he didn't. I saw the tension in his body slowly leave as he slid his free hand under the table and placed it on mine. The knot of guilt in my stomach loosened significantly as I realized he wasn't mad at me anymore.

"Damn, Kade," I remarked after she finished her story. "I'm impressed, your knuckles aren't even split open."

The sadness in her eyes seemed to evaporate at my kind words. "I'm not number one, but I know how to hold my own!"

I was so happy that the people who'd made it through stage one were my friends, Dauntless-born and Transfer alike. They were great people who I was lucky to have in my life, and I knew it.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you so much for reading and sticking by me!<strong>


	12. Chapter 12

**I had to think long and hard about what Rhys' fears should be. I wanted them to vary from silly to bone-chilling just like I think fears do. I hope it came across as genuine, but they will get a lot more intense and graphic. Just be warned, the next chapters will be harsh.**

* * *

><p>The second stage of initiation started tomorrow and I was spending my last night of freedom with Eric on the roof. We were lying flat on our backs with our legs dangling over the edge of the roof. I missed looking up and seeing the sky and actually seeing the sky instead of the ceilings of the compound, that was another thing that I missed about Amity.<p>

"When I was a kid, my dad and I would lay out in our yard and look up at the stars. He would tell me the names of them and the stories behind them," I told him brushing my pinky against his from where they were lying flat on the rooftop.

"In Erudite you learn the names of them, their location, and how to tell the distance they are away, but you never just looked at them for fun," he replied, hooking his pinky with mine to still its movements. "Tell me about it, I want to know. I never knew there were stories."

He knew that he didn't want to push me too harshly because he knew all of my secrets now. We were going at my pace even with things as simple as his fingers touching mine. I shifted my body until my head was lying on his stomach. He'd really buffed up since we got here, laying on his stomach was almost like lying on the hard rooftop except it moved with his breathing.

He slid his fingers into the loose curls of my hair and rubbed my scalp soothingly. I couldn't believe that he and I had spent so much of our time fighting when we fit together this perfectly. It was almost too perfect to believe; I never knew that I could ever be with a guy without having to worry about him taking advantage of me or hurting me.

"My dad was an Erudite Transfer," I told him, figuring I'd start at the beginning. "He knew all the things you just told me about, but he couldn't get over their beauty. He couldn't just handle looking at them in a book, he wanted to see them up close all the time.

"As soon as I was old enough to start working in the fields, dad started showing me the stars. It got so bad that I would rush through my dinner just to get outside to see them," I finished, hiding my face from him. "That sounds so stupid! I'm in Dauntless, I shouldn't be this weak about old memories."

Eric sat up and pulled me into a sitting position across from him. There was less than an inch between our bodies as he clutched my face in both his hands. His eyes were desperate and his chest was heaving.

"You don't ever have to feel weak around me. I want to know everything about you, even about Amity," he said, holding my gaze. "I want to know the things that make your entire face light up like it just did. I just want you to be happy with me, please."

He was doing the only thing he had left: making himself weak for me. He wanted me to know that I wasn't the only vulnerable person in this relationship. I stood up on my knees to be at his height and pushed our mouths together.

It was fumbly and clumsy in a way that I had no idea either of us could be. We were both such precise people, it was a shock. We'd kissed before, but this was so much more innocent. It was almost like our first kiss, a brush of butterfly wings.

"Tell me about the stars, point out the constellations," he whispered against the skin of my jaw where his lips had journeyed.

I laughed and pushed his head away from the crook of my neck. "Well, lay down so you can see them."

He kissed my forehead before laying back and placing my head back on his stomach. He twisted my hair through his fingers as I pointed out Orion and the Pleiades, Andromeda and Cassiopeia, everything that my dad always showed me.

* * *

><p>The next morning we were all instructed to sit in the chairs along a dark hallway with the Dauntless-born Initiates. It was weird, the Dauntless were so rambunctious and loud, the exact opposite of this. I had no idea what to make of what was happening, but the tension in the air was palpable.<p>

"What do you think we're about to do?" Zeke asked, breaking the thick silence. "It's driving me crazy sitting here doing nothing like this."

"We've already done the physical things, that just leaves mental," I said in a fake-blasé tone. "I thought that was obvious, even with your thick skull."

"It looks like you've let your number one rank get to your head, baby!" Lisle said from his chair beside mine.

I punched him as hard as I could in the shoulder and saw him wince. I'd gained more muscle mass than I'd originally realized and I packed more of a punch. I guess training every day and fighting people twice my size had buffed me up, not that I was complaining or anything…

"It's not like anyone can prepare for this stage," Zeke said, rolling his eyes at our antics. "From what I've heard, this is the hardest stage to get through. Most of the initiate dropouts happen during this stage."

"You mean they'd prefer to be Factionless over what's behind that door?" Leo asked in disbelief, staring at the stainless steel door by Kadence's shoulder. "That's terrifying and I'm not afraid to admit it."

"That's the difference between Transfers and Dauntless-born," Ty, a burly guy with a buzz cut, said. "We're not afraid of anything."

"It's funny you say that," Tatum said, materializing out of the darkness to stand beside the aforementioned door. "It's more ironic than funny, but I didn't come from Erudite so I can get a few things wrong."

I knew that was a jab at Eric so I squeezed his hand to keep him cool. I saw the pure annoyance flash across his face, but he stayed put in his seat. Tatum seemed impressed that he was so in control. Little did she know what was really keeping him tame against her teasing, keeping him from flying off the handle.

"Alright, Leo, you're up first," she said before pushing a button and disappearing inside with Leo reluctantly following.

It was twenty-two minutes later according to the large clock hanging a little ways down the hall when Tatum came back out and called T's name. Leo hadn't come back with her, but I figured there was more than one door. They wanted to gain initiates, not kill them.

Our numbers kept dwindling until it was just Elijah, Lisle, and I left in the hallway. We'd all stayed in our original seats so Elijah was up near the door while Lisle and I were at the other end of the hall. I thought about moving, but my nerves were too jumbled to even think about standing up. I was too afraid that my knees would give out and expose nervousness.

I wouldn't say I was happy when Tatum called my name, but I was grateful to finally leave the tense hallway. I followed Tatum past the silver door and felt the _whoosh _of it closing behind me. There was a metal chair, much like the one from the day of the Choosing Ceremony, the kind that my feet didn't touch the end of because I was so short.

There was a computer screen sitting against the wall and it made me notice how much smaller this room was than the other room. There was also a small table sitting by the reclining chair that had a couple of syringes on it. I felt a chill run through my spine; I've had a huge fear of them since I'd been vaccinated as a child.

"Hey, it's okay," she said as she guided me to the chair. "It's just going to be a simulation, nothing's real. It's all a head game, man."

"What are you talking about?" I asked as my entire body started to feel cold and the room spun a little. "What's all in my head?"

"This simulation is going to teach you how to control your fears," she explained, sitting on the stool beside my chair. "It's basically going to take your worst nightmares and make you live through them, but there's a trick. There's always a way out, you've just got to find it."

I nodded, trying my best to keep my hysteria under wraps. My biggest fear was obviously Wyatt, I had no idea how many others there were. The mere thought made my chest tighten uncomfortably and breathing difficult, but I hid it from her until she hooked me up to the machines. My heartrate was speeding and it made my cheeks burn with shame.

She squeezed my arm again and said, "It's hard, but I promise you'll get through it. You're too stubborn to let this break you, Amity. I can almost promise you that."

She pushed my hair over my shoulder and swiped something cold against my neck. I was so riled up that I jumped and moved my body away from her. I felt stupid when I saw that it was just an antiseptic wipe, then I realized that meant she was going to use a needle on my neck.

Fortunately, the needle was under my skin before I even realized she'd done it. It stung a little bit, but it wasn't life-ruining. She explained how the serum worked, but I was too freaked out to focus on anything other than I had thirty seconds before it took effect.

My eyes close without my consent and when I opened them again, I was back in Amity. I was sitting on the bed of a doctor's office with my mom holding my hand. I couldn't see what I looked like, but the size of my feet told me I was young. The doorknob rattled before it opened and a man walked into the room with us.

He had on a yellow jacket with a red cross stitched onto the lapel: an Amity medic. Everything rushed to me at once then, I was seven years old again and getting my vaccinations. Before I could stop her, my mom pushed me back onto the bed and held me down while the doctor prepped the needle.

They weren't normal needles, they were around foot long and the liquid inside of them was a putrid green color that made my stomach turn do acrobatics. I tried as hard as I could to pull myself out of my mom's grip, but she was a lot stronger than I was.

I felt my breath ripping its way out of my chest as black dots lined my vision. Then I heard Tatum's voice saying there was always some way to beat the hallucinations. I scanned the room quickly and saw that there was a scalpel sitting on the table beside the bed within reaching distance.

I forced myself to calm down, tried my best to convince my mother that I wasn't going to fight the medic. I could've cried in relief when she let go of my arms and stepped back from the table. As soon as I was free, I lunged for the scalpel and didn't think twice before digging it into the medic's side and knocking the syringe out of his hand.

I was jolted out of the simulation to see Tatum smiling at me appreciatively. "I told you that you could handle it, Amity. You were out of that in seven minutes and fifteen seconds, that's almost record time for your initiation class. Congratulations!"

Once I was steady on my feet again, I made my way out to the Pit. I didn't see any other initiates around and it made me wonder what they'd seen. My "fearscape" as Tatum had referred to it, was bad but not life ruining. Had the others' fears been so bad that they couldn't be outside after experiencing them?

I was walking past the training room when I heard the thump of a punching bag and figured that's were T was. He was the first person I would check on and then I'd work my way down the list of my friends.

He had his shirt off and he was drenched in sweat. He was in his own world as he repeatedly connected his fists to the pleather of the bag. His scars were on full display and they covered the entire expanse of his back. They were jagged pink scars along his shoulders and lower back that made me want to kill his father with my own hands for every doing that to him.

"Damn Abnegation, what'd that bag ever do to you?" I shouted, making him freeze and turn around to face me with wild eyes. I immediately stopped joking and asked, "Tobias, what's wrong?"

I made my way over to him quickly and placed my hand on his shoulder. He didn't say anything, he just looked at me. I'd never been good at comforting people, I didn't know what to say or do. I always ended up making it worse instead of better.

"I'm afraid of heights," he finally said.

I was expecting some crazy thing to come out of his mouth. Something about his father beating him or him feeling inadequate compared to the other initiates. I wanted to laugh, but at the same time I wanted to comfort him. The smile pulling at the corners of his lips told me that it was okay to laugh.

"It's okay, my fear was being held down and given shots," I told him, sitting down on the floor with my legs crossed and him across from me. "That's _terrifying_, let me tell you."

"It makes sense, you hate being controlled and defenseless," he said, leaning back on his hands. "I was up on the top of the Hub and I had to cross this thin metal beam to get to the other side because there was a woman screaming for help. I fell three times before I had to stop the simulation because I was too exhausted to go on. Did you make it through yours?"

I felt kind of guilty whenever I nodded my head. "Yeah, Tatum told me that there was always a way to beat them. You just had to look around and calm your heartbeat, everything else would work itself out."

I saw something flash across his face, but he stayed quiet. Until that moment I'd never thought there were secrets between us or that he would lie straight to my face. Yet I knew for sure that he was lying. There was something about his fearscape that he didn't want to share, but I knew better than to pry. He would clam up and never tell me, besides it was his secret until he wanted to share.

"Have you seen Eric or Kadence? I wanted to check on them before going to get something to eat," I said.

"Kadence and Elijah were together when I left the dormitories earlier. I don't know where Eric is," he said flippantly. "I'll meet you in the cafeteria later."

I nodded and stood up, patting his shoulder before I left the training room. I knew there was only a handful of places Eric would be and the Chasm would be the most likely. I made my way towards the roaring water and saw his hulking form leaning against the railing.

"You were in my fearscape," he finally shouted, trying his best to be heard over the rushing water. "You were taken and they were using you to get to me. I saw them blow your brains out and I was running to get to you, but I couldn't move fast enough. It was like I was running through mud, I couldn't get any further than where I already was."

His breathing was fast and his body tenser than I'd ever seen it. He was pissed that he couldn't control the test and he was mad that I was his weakness: he always wanted to be in control. He was mad at me, he was mad that I let him get so invested that I became something that made him vulnerable.

"I'm sorry," I finally forced out. "We can end this if you want, that way you don't have to worry about someone hurting me to get to you or anything."

"Stop fucking doing that! I'm not going to hurt you like he did or leave you," he said, turning his body to face me. "I've never had something that made me weak before, I don't know how to handle it and it manifested itself as fear. It was just my brain's way of coping with something unfamiliar, caring about someone else more than I care about myself."

He sounded so much like an Erudite that I almost missed what he said about me. He said that he cared more about me than he did himself. It was weird, I cared a lot about him but he wasn't the only one. I also cared a lot about T and Kadence and Zeke and Tatum and Lisle and a whole lot of other people.

"I know what it's like to care about people more than yourself, but not until I came here. I just don't want you to think that you have to keep being part of this if you don't want to be anymore," I reassured him, sliding my fingers between his and placing them on the wet stone between our hips. "I just want you to be happy, I like it when you smile."

He pulled his hand out of my grip before standing up shaking his hair out, completely soaking me. I stood up to do the same to him and saw his eyes slide down to my torso. I glanced down and saw that my shirt was sticking to my body very provocatively.

I had only worn a thin t-shit and a sports bra this morning so I didn't have much coverage and it _was_ cold this close to the chasm. My nipples were standing stiff and I immediately crossed my arms over my chest to try and hide them, but I knew it was too late. He'd already gotten an eye full, even if my shirt was black.

"You're making this whole "going slow" thing so hard," he said, his voice was a growl and I felt my knees go weak.

As scary as it was, I forced myself to drop my arms from my chest and walk up to him. I reached up and draped my arms over his shoulders before I said, "It's better to go slow than to not go at all, right?"

I stood on my tiptoes and pulled his mouth down to mine. His hands were gripping my hips like a lifeline as he pulled me impossibly closer. There was no possible way for us to get closer standing up.

"Jump," he growled before pressing harsh kisses along the column of my throat.

I had to bite back my whimper as I followed his instruction. I never took orders, but when Eric growled them out like that, I couldn't imagine not listening. I wanted to be as close to him as I could get right now.

I wrapped my legs around his waist and felt him walking somewhere. My back hit a smooth surface, but I couldn't be bothered with figuring out what it was. One of his hands slid under the fabric of my shirt and gripped my bare skin, searing me to the bone.

I had to pull my mouth away from his to try and get air into my oxygen depleted lungs. He let out an annoyed sound before kissing my jaw and nipping at the skin under my ear. I moaned his name breathily and he started wreaking havoc on that spot.

One of his hands slid down to grip my thigh a little too tightly and I froze. Eric was too lost in the moment to realize what he'd done, but I couldn't think of anything else. I was in the apple orchard and it wasn't Eric anymore.

"Eric," I said breathily as I hit his shoulders. "Eric, stop! STOP!"

He pulled away from me automatically and dropped my feet to the ground. I wrapped my arms around my body and put distance between us. I felt like I was literally an inch tall as hot tears flooded my eyes.

I waited for him to say something, but he just jammed his hands into his pockets. He turned on his heel and stalked away, leaving me alone in the dark. I slid down the wall and pulled my knees to my chest.

I was never going to get over this. Ever.

* * *

><p><strong>I have a plan for this, don't worry just review :)<strong>


	13. Chapter 13

**This chapter is my favorite hands down! I am so proud of Rhys and everything that she does in it. I really hope that you all love it as much as I do!**

* * *

><p>It's been a week since Eric and I have spoken, but, on a brighter note, I've worked my way through four of my fearscapes. I was still trying to work through my fear of the dark, but I knew I was making good progress. I could do this, all I had to do was work through my fears as best as I could and I would be Dauntless. Statistically, people had nine to fourteen fears and I've had five so far. I liked those odds.<p>

Despite that, I was still bothered by T and how quickly he as climbing up in the ranks. I wasn't jealous of him, I was happy, it just made me uneasy. Everyone had taken to calling him Four to commemorate his four fears, the boy literally only had four fears! The only ones he actually told me about where heights and small places. I figured the others were something he needed to keep to himself and I respected it. He also kept how he was soaring up to the ranks to himself and I _didn't_ respect that.

Eric was slowly getting harder and more closed off from everyone else. I hadn't seen him smile since the night at the chasm, he hadn't even _looked _at me since then. I pretty much ended our relationship that night with little to no chance of it reviving it. I tried to tell myself that it was for the best, but the ache in my chest was hard to ignore.

"So, how many more fears do you think you've got, baby?" Lisle asked me after he sat down at the lunch table with Zeke and Fiona in tow behind him. "You're doing pretty well, I think you're ranked 5th or 6th."

I was ranked 5th, but I wasn't going to correct him. "Tatum said that there's usually nine to fourteen, unless you're T, and I've worked through four already. I'd say I'm doing pretty well, too."

"Elijah is driving me insane!" Kadence announced before slamming down into the seat beside me. "I know these fearscapes are hard, but he's being a baby about them. If he expects to be Dauntless, he's got to be able to handle a little fear without bawling like a baby."

That was basically the split in the Initiate class during this stage. There were those of us who hated the fearscapes but were able to handle them, and there were those of us who were slowly being driven crazy by them. I didn't want to be the one to break it to her, but chances are that if he's handling the fearscapes that badly, he won't make it through initiation. I looked over at Zeke and could tell that he was thinking the same thing, judging by the grim look on his face anyway. Neither of us had the heart to break it to Kadence, she really cared about Elijah.

Thankfully, Lisle started telling us a story about his fear of being covered in snakes to save us from the awkward silence. It was actually hilarious, but it might have just been the way he told it. I was about to tell him about my fear of being permanently sticky and covered with bugs when I met Eric's eyes across the room.

It wasn't like we didn't randomly look at each other a lot, but this time it was different. He was talking to one of the older members of Dauntless and both of their faces were guarded. I wasn't close enough to hear what they were talking about, but something told me that it was a very serious thing. I also couldn't shake the familiar tingly feeling that I always got whenever we looked at each other, but I tried my best to ignore that. We weren't in a semblance of a relationship anymore.

Someone's hand landed on my shoulder and made me jump higher than I should have, but Eric had the ability to distract me. I turned around and saw that it was T behind me and he was smirking like he'd won something. I responded with smiling at him sweetly before digging my bony elbows back into him ribcage. I let out a proud noise when he winced and let out a groan: I won.

"Hey, I was wondering if we could talk?" he asked me after attention left us.

His entire demeanor was off as he spoke. He always had this quiet confidence in everything he did, but that was severely lacking right now. He was also always well put together, but his hair was ruffled and he had bags under his eyes. I didn't have to look at his hands to know that his knuckles were scabbed from taking his frustration out on the punching bags.

"Sure," I told him. Then I looked back at the table and announced, "I'll see you guys after training."

T and I walked in complete silence until we got to the chasm where we couldn't be overheard. That must mean whatever he was trying to tell me was pretty important and hush-hush. That was one of the reasons Eric and I always met here, it kept us out of the public's eye. Even thinking his name was like a bucket of ice water down my back, I had to physically shake my head to make the memories leave.

"What's up? You're kind of freaking me out," I asked him finally.

"What I'm about to tell you can't be spoken about again unless we're here. You can't breathe a word of it to anyone," he said seriously, gripping my hands in his tightly. "It's something that can get me killed, Rhys, and you killed just for knowing about it."

"I swear I won't say anything, you have my word," I promised, moving closer to him. "You know my biggest secret, it's only fair that you tell me yours."

"I think I'm Divergent," he breathed out, barely loud enough to be heard over the harsh water below us.

I'd heard whispers about people being Divergent, but I always thought that it was just a myth. It went against all of the carefully constructed rules that kept our Factions running. Everyone was supposed to fit one Faction better than all of the others, but that wasn't how Divergents worked. They fit in multiple Factions and it caused the system to not work like it should. I'd never even entertained the thought that Divergent could actually be a thing.

"Why? I didn't think that they even existed, I thought they were just horror stories parents told us so we didn't question the system," I replied, clutching his hands tightly.

"Tatum told me that I acted oddly in my fearscapes, I found unusual ways to get out of them. It was also the same at the Choosing Ceremony," he whispered tersely. "I know that I'm in a simulation and I can manipulate what's going on around me. My mom used to talk about _them_ to my dad when I was a kid, but I didn't think they were real either, but now…"

I knew he had to be afraid, the government didn't react nicely to people who threatened the system. There had to be a reason that I had never met a Divergent before nor heard of one genuinely existing in society. For the first time, I felt genuine, bone-chilling fear for someone other than myself.

"There has to be a way to hide it if that's what you are. You can't be the only one that got that result," I said to him. "They're not going to hurt you, I won't let them. I'll do anything I have to do to keep you safe, don't doubt it for a second."

He pulled me close and held onto me tightly. One of his hands was cupping the back of my head and the other held my waist. I held the middle of his torso and pressed my face against his shoulder, trying my best to comfort him any way I could. I knew he had to be really afraid to initiate this much contact so I let him do what he wanted.

"So you can hook up with the stiff in the dark but not me?" Eric's voice broke through the sound of crashing water. "You probably weren't even raped, you wanted it because you're a slut. You probably teased him like you teased me and he took what you already told him he could have."

I heard T growl before whipping me behind him and facing Eric. I expected him to tell Eric off, but he just started throwing punches. I tried to get in the middle and tear them apart only to be pushed out of the way.

"Stop! You guys, stop it!" I shouted, trying to get in again only to be pushed to the ground.

The back of my head cracked against the wet stone ledge and pain exploded across the back of my skull. I didn't have time to worry about it because T had twisted Eric around to press against the rails. I never would have thought he had enough strength to dangle his entire body over the chasm, but he was doing a hell of a good job at it now.

"T! T, stop it!" I shouted, but he didn't even look at me. "Tobias, stop it!"

He seemed to come out of a daze, surprised that he was doing what he was doing. He pulled Eric back over the rail and stepped away from him before pushing his hands into his pockets and looking at his feet. I looked over at Eric in time to see the pure fear on his pale face before he covered it up with an icy sneer.

"You better watch your back, stiff," he spat before turning to face me. "He's going to realize what games you're playing just like I did, just wait and see."

My mind was still reeling from him calling me a slut and saying that I wanted Wyatt to rape me. He and I had had so many heart-to-heart moments about that night, I thought he saw it from my side. That hurt me a lot more than the pain in the back of my head that was currently making it very hard to stand up straight.

* * *

><p>I was lucky enough to not have to get stitches this time. I just had to take a serum and it would heal itself, which it did in fifteen minutes. By the time I was released, I had to rush to meet Tatum for more fearscapes. I thought briefly about sitting them out today because of the injury, but I ended up forcing myself up. I chose to be Dauntless and that meant I had to be brave.<p>

"I'm sorry that you got hurt and I'm sorry we fought. I just couldn't let him talk about you like that," T told me as we walked to fearscapes together. "You're not the only one who's trying to keep their best friend alive and protected."

I made him stop walking so I could look at him. "Thank you for being the big brother that I never had and making sure that I'm okay. I love you, you're my best friend, too."

I wrapped my arms around him again and kissed his cheek. I couldn't help but laugh when I felt his face heat up against my neck. He was still such an Abnegation sometimes, but I liked that about him.

I let go of him eventually and followed Tatum inside the room. She seemed happy about my progress because she couldn't stop smiling at me. I thought about asking her what was up but decided against it in the end. She was allowed to have her secrets as well as I was.

"You've gotten four of your fears worked through, you're doing very well. We're going to try the one with the dark again because you're really close," she explained after she hooked me up to the machines. "Once you beat that one, you'll probably go into another one. I just don't want you to be frightened when it happens."

I nodded and tried to calm down my heartbeat so it didn't sound so thunderous on the machine. "Thanks for the heads up, Tatum."

She just smiled before sliding the needle into my neck and starting the simulation. I was somewhere in complete darkness, it was so thick that it filled my ears and nose to almost suffocation levels. I wanted to struggle to breathe, but I refused to do that again. It happened the last time and I had been forced out of the simulation by a panic attack. I just kept reminding myself this time that there was always a way out, I just had to find it.

The last time I'd been through the simulation, I realized that I needed to crawl so that's what I did. I recognized the feel of dirt and rock under my hands: I was in the apple orchards. When I realized that, the scents started to come forward of apples and sweat. It wasn't as comforting as I would've thought it would be and it surprised me. I guess I really wasn't Amity anymore.

I continued forward on my hands and knees until I came to a tree. I used the trunk of it to guide myself up before reaching up to find a branch. If I climbed high enough, I knew I could see the lights of the compound. I figured that as long as I found some light source, I could beat this simulation.

Back when I still lived in Amity, I climbed trees all of the time and became good at it. I never thought it would be so much harder to do in the dark. I had to reach out with my feet and test the branches, hoping that they were strong enough to hold my weight. That method was going well until one of the branches snapped and sent me hurtling back down to the ground. As much as I wanted to stay there, I forced myself back up and started climbing the tree again. I had to get to the top.

I finally made it to the top of the tree and perched on the highest branch I could get to. One of the first things you learn in Amity is direction and I was really grateful for that. I knew to look north to see the compound and the flickering lights of the candles along the outskirts.

Just like Tatum warned me it would, the simulation morphed into a different one. I was in the same orchard, but the lights around the edges were lit up this time. I had on a yellow and white paisley skirt with a red peasant top and my hair in a braid. I knew this night was better than I knew anything in the entire world: this was the night I was raped.

I should've realized that this was going to be one of my fears. It was my biggest fear whenever I was conscious of everything, so why wouldn't it be whenever I was unconscious? Just like I knew it would, I heard Wyatt's boots crunching on the leaves behind me.

"What are you doing out here, Mar? It's late and picking's over," he said, crouching down next to me and making my heart start trying to beat its way out of my chest. "You never know what's lurking around in the dark looking for pretty girls like you."

I dropped my basket of apples and they went rolling in different directions, but I was too scared to pick them up. Wyatt pounced on me and pinned me down against the dirt. Everything I've learned while I was in Dauntless about fighting left my head as I struggled in vain to get away from him. He pushed up my skirt and ripped my panties down my legs.

Before anything else could happen, I was pulled out of the simulation. I struggled to breathe normally but failed completely. Tatum gently removed all of the sensors from my body and helped me up into a sitting position. I wanted to thank her, but I couldn't make my mouth form words.

"That wasn't something your brain made up, was it, Amity?" she asked, rubbing my arm soothingly. "That actually happened to you, didn't it?"

I wanted to shake my head, but I couldn't make myself stop shaking. Tunnel vision started to develop in my eyes and made me lightheaded. I hated letting Tatum see me look weak like this, I channeled that hate into something that could help me; I let it slow my breathing down.

"I've never seen someone pull themselves out of an anxiety attack like that before," she told me after I sat up straight and my vision stopped being fuzzy. "I'm impressed."

"Thanks," I said quietly, looking everywhere but her face. "Can I go? I'm exhausted, I just want to go to sleep."

Tatum nodded and moved out of the way so I could leave. I waited until I was out of her vision to run the entire way back to the dormitories. I was more than relieved when I saw that it was empty which meant I didn't have to explain myself to anyone. I could just hide until tomorrow and that sounded amazing.

I kicked off my boots and laid in my bed with my blanket pulled up over my head. I tried to block out all of the voices bouncing around in my mind. There were so many of them: my mother saying I was ungrateful, Wyatt telling me I wanted it, Eric calling me a slut. I didn't want to hear them, I didn't want to be this person anymore. I didn't want to live this life anymore.

I held my knees tightly to my chest like it was going to keep me from falling apart. I heard footsteps in the room but didn't come out from under the covers. I just hoped that they would ignore me and keep going with their lives. The last thing I wanted was to explain why I was having a breakdown under the covers. That would brand me as weak and easy to take out, and that was the last thing I needed right now.

"Wow, the Transfers get body shaped pillows? That's so not fair, but you're beds are total shit," Lisle said before I felt the end of my bed dip with his weight.

I wanted to stay under the blankets and hide from him. I knew I'd been crying and probably looked like a little kid. Despite all of that, I forced myself to sit up and pulled my knees under my chin after I'd scrubbed my face with the sleeve of my shirt.

"Here you go, you see that I'm weak. I'm a scared little girl that's going to be Factionless," I told him without looking away from the wall. "Now you're going to go tell everyone that I'm this broken doll that's easy to beat."

He reached out and brushed the hair out of my face. "I have a little sister, you remind me a lot of her. You're both tiny but so, so fierce, you're never going to let anyone think that you're anything but strong. Being weak doesn't make you any less Dauntless, I won't think anything less of you and neither will anyone else."

"I didn't know you had a sister," I forced out, turning my body to face him.

"Yeah, she got herself into some trouble and realized that she had to be hard to be Dauntless. Next year, when she turns 16, she's going to switch to Abnegation," he told me. "But you don't know that and neither do I."

That made me laugh before I could stop myself. It was a hiccup, but it made him smile and bump our shoulders.

"Being weak isn't a bad thing, baby. It teaches you that you don't always have to be strong to survive," he explained, twisting a lock of my hair around his finger as he spoke. "You've kept yourself alive all this time even after whatever happened to you happened. What does that tell you?"

I shrugged my shoulders, but I knew where he was going. I sat my chin on my knee and looked up at Lisle. His eyes were so kind and he had such a sweet face, it surprised me that he was a Dauntless-born. He had the face on an Amity, but his heart was good and it gave me hope that not everyone here was hard to the core.

"That should tell you that you're stronger than you give yourself credit for. If you've survived this long being weak, imagine how much you'll survive when you're strong," he told me, tugging my curls playfully before standing up. "Do you feel any better or did I just make it worse?"

Well damn, that was something I'd never thought about. I'd never associated being weak with being strong, but it sort of made sense. I wasn't going to lie, I had thought about ending everything, but I never did. I'd kept myself alive even when I thought it was weak, I could only do better when I believed I was strong.

All the people that I was close with had told me basically the same thing, but it was different when it came from someone who barely knew me. It was more real coming from Lisle than T or Eric.

"You helped a lot more than I thought you would," I told him.

That seemed to be a good enough answer because he kissed the top of my head before leaving me along in the dormitories. After he was gone, I made my way to the Pit and found Tatum sitting with a group of people. Lance was one of them, but I didn't even look at him.

"I want to redo my last fearscape. Is that possible?" I asked her, standing tall and squaring my shoulders. "I know how to beat it."

I saw a lot of emotions play out over her face before she finally spoke. "Are you sure? You don't have to go back in until tomorrow, no one's going to make you."

"The only way I'm going to get over this is if I face it head on," I told her openly. "I promise you that I can beat it this time, it's not going to be one of my fearscapes anymore."

"If you're wrong, you've just got to go back through it tomorrow. Are you ready to face that?" she asked, but I could tell that she's already made up her mind.

I nodded before walking off to the simulation room and leaving her to hurry behind me. I was grateful for the silence, I needed time to gather myself before I had to go back under. I knew that there was always a way to break through the simulation, I just had to find it.

I was hooked up to the machine and Tatum had the needle poised at my neck. "This is your last chance to back out, Amity."

"I'm not scared, I'm Dauntless," I told her, looking her defiantly in the eye.

I was back in the orchard with Wyatt's hand on my throat this time. I wasn't aware that the simulations could change, but it made sense. As much as it hurt, I looked around for something to get him off of me. I did my best to ignore his hand snaking under my top and could've cried when my eyes landed on my apple basket.

They weren't very heavy things, mostly made of wicker, but it was sturdy. It was my best tool at getting him off of me. I reached out and barely brushed my fingers against it. Thankfully it was round so it rolled to me so I could grasp it.

I swung it at his head and heard it make a sickening crunch noise. He rolled off of me and groaned, clutching his head as I pushed myself to my feet. Wyatt followed and rounded on me, but I wasn't afraid of him anymore. I was going to fight him back and get him away from me.

"I'm not afraid of you anymore!" I screamed at him. "I'm weak, but that's what makes me strong!"

I felt like I was being pulled out of water when the simulation ended. I was awake and all of my nerves were pressed against my skin. I had actually beaten Wyatt, I had pushed him away and made it stop. It didn't undo what happened to me, but it did make me feel stronger.

"Congratulations, Amity, that's one more fearscape that you've conquered."

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you so much for sticking with this! I'm sorry my updates are so spotty, but I'm currently in Kentucky and there's at least a foot of snow outside my university. <strong>


End file.
